\ud83d\udce3 Dear friends, \ud83e\udd39\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \ud83d\udce2) \ud83d\udc53<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m your Guruji \u2013 here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc53 Read it. \ud83d\ude02 Laugh it. \ud83d\udde3\ufe0f Share it.!<\/em> \ud83c\udf36\ufe0f\ud83d\udcfa<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \ud83d\ude0e \ud83e\udd13 \ud83e\uddd9\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong>\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude1c \ud83e\udd2a \ud83d\ude0f \ud83e\udd74 \ud83e\udd2f \ud83e\udd74 \ud83d\ude0f \ud83e\udd2a \ud83d\ude1c\ud83d\ude02 \ud83e\uddd9\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong> \ud83e\udd13 \ud83d\ude0e \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83d\uddde\ufe0f Truth bombs wrapped in laughter!<\/em> \ud83c\udfa4\ud83d\ude02<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83d\udce2 Guruji\u2019s LOL News Bulletin \u2013 Today’s World in 10 Punches! \ud83e\udd23\ud83d\uddde\ufe0f 1\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cSweeping Rate Cuts in GST?!\u201d 2\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cIllegal Migrants Getting Aadhaar?!\u201d 3\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cTerrorists Hiding in Pir Panjal Mountains\u201d 4\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cCanada Not Your Playground, Says SFJ\u201d 5\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cMuslims \u2013 Fastest Growing Religion\u201d \u2013 Pew Study 6\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cNepal Could Be Terror Route \u2013 Alert!\u201d 7\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cUPI Boom = Less Cash\u201d \u2013 IMF 8\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cMen Afraid to Date \u2013 Blame Manliness?\u201d 9\ufe0f\u20e3 \u201cIndia-US Talks May Cut Tariff Below 20%\u201d \ud83d\udd1f \u201cAI171 Crash \u2013 Pilot Confused Over Fuel Switches!\u201d \ud83d\udcff Guruji\u2019s Final Wisdom: \ud83e\udd23\ud83d\udcff Guruji\u2019s Daily Dose of LOL Wisdom<\/strong> \ud83d\udcff\ud83e\udd23 \ud83c\udf1e 1. “Worry is like a rocking chair \ud83e\ude91 \u2013 keeps you moving, but gets you nowhere!”<\/strong> \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f 2. \u201cBe like Wi-Fi \ud83d\udce1 \u2013 strong connection, no tension!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83d\udcb8 3. \u201cMoney can\u2019t buy happiness\u2026 but it can buy paneer dosa! \ud83e\udd73\ud83d\ude02\u201d<\/strong> \u23f0 4. \u201cTime heals everything\u2026 except Monday mornings!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83e\udde0 5. \u201cOverthinking is like chewing gum after taste is gone \u2013 pointless & sticky!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83d\udc96 6. \u201cTrue love is like Wi-Fi \u2013 invisible but connects your heart\u2026 until network problem!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83c\udf08 7. \u201cBe positive \u2013 like a COVID test result you want to avoid!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83c\udf6b 8. \u201cLife is short \u2013 eat the chocolate first, then regret later with yoga!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83d\udc12 9. \u201cMind is like a monkey\u2026 tie it with banana of meditation!\u201d<\/strong> \ud83d\udce6 10. \u201cDon\u2019t box yourself in \u2013 unless it\u2019s Amazon delivery of happiness!\u201d<\/strong>“Choose happiness today and every day” \ud83d\ude04<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
“There are no breaking news\u2026 only heart-breaking comedy!”<\/em> \ud83d\ude1c\ud83d\udce1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\uddf9 Guruji: GST Council planning a mega discount carnival!<\/em> \ud83d\udcb8
The government is now offering tax relief in Diwali combo packs!<\/em> \ud83c\udf81\ud83d\udd25
\u201cNext up: Buy 1 tax, get 2 exemptions absolutely free!\u201d \ud83d\ude02\ud83c\udf8a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f Guruji: Aadhaar now stands for \u201cAll Are Delivered Here After Arrival Randomly!\u201d<\/em> \ud83e\udeaa\ud83d\udc7b
Even aliens from Mars are getting Aadhaar now! \ud83d\udc7d\ud83d\udcdc
\u201cNext Lieutenant Governor order: Catch them before they apply for a PAN card!\u201d \ud83d\udd75\ufe0f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf04 Guruji: Security forces on a treasure hunt\u2026 except the treasure is terrorists! \ud83d\udca3\ud83d\udd0d
\u201cPir Panjal is turning into a PUBG game zone! Only headshots are missing!\u201d \ud83c\udfae\ud83d\ude81<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udde8\ud83c\udde6 Guruji: \u201cKapil Sharma thought Canada was his playground\u2026 now hide & seek has begun!\u201d \ud83d\udd75\ufe0f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83e\udd10
SFJ warning: Brother Kapil, stop the comedy, protect your passport!<\/em> \ud83d\ude05\ud83d\udcdb<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf0d Guruji: Pew report says they\u2019re the fastest growing group!<\/em>
Other religions are asking Pew: \u201cBro, which protein shake are they using?\u201d \ud83d\udcaa\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\ude04<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\uddf3\ud83c\uddf5 Guruji: Terrorists now taking scenic trekking routes!<\/em> \ud83e\uddd7\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udeb6\u200d\u2642\ufe0f
Indian intelligence: \u201cNo longer tracking phones\u2026 now tracking hiking boots!\u201d \ud83e\udd7e\ud83d\udce1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udcf2 Guruji: Cashless economy = more tea, less change! \u2615\ud83d\udcb3
Even roadside tea shops are saying: \u201cNo QR code, no tea \u2013 go cry!\u201d \ud83d\ude06\ud83e\udd11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc68 Guruji: Today\u2019s boys are not afraid of ghosts\u2026 but terrified of first dates!<\/em> \ud83d\ude28\ud83d\udc94
Dating app profiles now say: \u201cSwipe right only if you\u2019re okay with me crying after coffee!\u201d \ud83d\ude2d\u2615\ud83d\udcf1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\uddfd Guruji: Tariff going down\u2026 may the prices follow too!<\/em> \ud83d\udcb5\u2702\ufe0f
Indian importers praying: \u201cJust don\u2019t say \u2018dollar\u2019… give it in rupees!\u201d \ud83d\ude4f\ud83d\udcb0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2708\ufe0f Guruji: The aircraft had Artificial Intelligence, but the pilot was searching for the fuel button like it\u2019s a kitchen mixer grinder! \u2699\ufe0f\ud83d\udee2\ufe0f
Manual was missing\u2026 and common sense flew away too! \ud83d\ude35\u200d\ud83d\udcab\ud83d\udcd6
Guruji\u2019s punch: \u201cThe warning said: \u2018RUN to CUTOFF\u2019\u2026 but the pilot thought it was a race to the airport!\u201d \ud83c\udfc3\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udeec<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe world is full of confusion, corruption, and comedy\u2026 and still we keep scrolling!\u201d \ud83d\udcf1\ud83e\udd23
\ud83d\ude4f Laugh daily. Tax-free, tension-free, Guruji-certified!<\/em> \ud83d\ude07\ud83d\ude02<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Straight from Himalayas (with 5G signal & a chai in hand)<\/em> \u2615\ud83d\udcf1\ud83c\udfd4\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So stop worrying, and start dancing \ud83d\udc83\ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But remember: too many connections = battery drain \u26a1\ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And that\u2019s close enough for a South Indian soul! \ud83d\ude0b\ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even my chakras refuse to open before coffee \u2615\ud83d\ude48<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let go\u2026 unless you’re chewing paan \u2013 then let go fast! \ud83d\ude2c\ud83d\udca5<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then suddenly it\u2019s buffering\u2026 buffering\u2026 breakup! \ud83d\udc94\ud83d\udcf6\ud83d\ude05<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stay away from toxic people\u2026 and crowded WhatsApp groups \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\udcf5<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Calories can wait, joy can\u2019t \ud83d\ude0b\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if monkey gets bored \u2013 give it Instagram break \ud83c\udf4c\ud83d\udcf2\ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Open up your mind and your parcels! \ud83d\udce6\ud83d\udca5\ud83d\ude04<\/p>\n\n\n\n