\ud83d\udce3 Dear friends, \ud83e\udd39\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \ud83d\udce2) \ud83d\udc53<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m your Guruji \u2013 here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc53 Read it. \ud83d\ude02 Laugh it. \ud83d\udde3\ufe0f Share it.!<\/em> \ud83c\udf36\ufe0f\ud83d\udcfa<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \ud83d\ude0e \ud83e\udd13 \ud83e\uddd9\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong>\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude1c \ud83e\udd2a \ud83d\ude0f \ud83e\udd74 \ud83e\udd2f \ud83e\udd74 \ud83d\ude0f \ud83e\udd2a \ud83d\ude1c\ud83d\ude02 \ud83e\uddd9\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong> \ud83e\udd13 \ud83d\ude0e \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83d\uddde\ufe0f Truth bombs wrapped in laughter!<\/em> \ud83c\udfa4\ud83d\ude02<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83c\udfa4\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Guruji\u2019s LOL Bulletins \u2013 Today\u2019s Hot News with Extra Spice! \ud83c\udf36\ufe0f\ud83d\ude06<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \u201cJustice will be done,\u201d<\/em> says LG Manoj Sinha for terror victims in Jammu & Kashmir. \ud83c\uddee\ud83c\uddf3 PM Modi congratulates new Rajya Sabha nominees! \ud83d\uddf3\ufe0f Election Commission begins massive electoral roll clean-up! \ud83d\udd75\ufe0f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Bihar poll survey finds illegal immigrants<\/em>! \ud83d\udcb0 IT Refunds have increased 5 times in the last 10 years! \ud83e\udd5b Assam man celebrates divorce with 40-litre milk bath! \ud83d\udc77\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Bihar CM Nitish Kumar promises 1 crore (10 million) jobs + a Skill University! \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f CM Siddaramaiah is safe \u2013 as long as his MLAs and Rahul Gandhi are happy.<\/em> \ud83c\uddea\ud83c\uddfa EU ministers to discuss trade strategy against Trump\u2019s tariff threats! \ud83d\udc26 Elon Musk wants comedy on Twitter<\/em> \u2013 but can’t take a joke! \ud83d\udca5Guruji’s Final Blessing: Want more firecrackers? Just say: “Guruji, give me more bombs!” \ud83d\udca3\ud83d\udca5\ud83d\ude1c<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83e\udd23\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Guruji\u2019s Comedy Wisdom Thoughts () \ud83d\udcab\ud83c\udfa4 \ud83c\udf1e 1. \u201cEarly to rise, early to shine\u2026 or just rise and pretend Wi-Fi is down.\u201d \ud83d\ude1c 2. \u201cDon\u2019t chase people. Chase biryani. At least it comes with raita.\u201d \ud83d\udcb8 3. \u201cMoney can\u2019t buy happiness. But it can buy AC, which is close enough in Chennai!\u201d \ud83d\ude11 4. \u201cArguing with fools is like playing chess with a pigeon \u2013 it poops and walks off.\u201d \ud83d\udcc5 5. \u201cDon\u2019t wait for perfect time. Even the clock that\u2019s broken is right twice a day!\u201d \ud83d\udc98 6. \u201cTrue love is not found. It\u2019s manufactured daily\u2026 like dosa batter.\u201d \ud83d\udcc9 7. \u201cIf life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for mangoes!\u201d \ud83d\ude34 8. \u201cRest is not laziness. It\u2019s charging like a smartphone. Otherwise, you\u2019ll freeze mid-call!\u201d \ud83d\udc40 9. \u201cSome people talk behind your back. Guruji says \u2013 good, at least they\u2019re not in front!\u201d“Choose happiness today and every day” \ud83d\ude04<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Guruji’s Gyaan (wisdom): Terrorists beware! Sinha Ji is coming\u2026 with justice in one hand and rehabilitation forms in the other! \ud83d\udd74\ufe0f\ud83d\udcc4\ud83d\udca5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Guruji predicts:<\/em> \u201cMore brains in the Rajya Sabha now\u2026 finally, those chairs won\u2019t feel lonely anymore!\u201d \ud83e\ude91\ud83e\udde0\ud83d\udc4f<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u26a0\ufe0f Guruji Punchline: Fake voters, ghost voters, and their uncles and cousins<\/em> \u2013 run before the \u201cdelete\u201d button hits! \ud83d\udcbb\ud83e\uddf9\ud83d\udc7b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Guruji’s joke:<\/em> \u201cEven aliens said: This is too much!<\/em>\u201d \ud83d\udc7d\ud83e\uddfe\ud83d\udeaa<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guruji\u2019s reaction: \u201cWow! For once, the government is giving more than just lectures and taxes!\u201d \ud83e\udd13\ud83d\udcb8\ud83c\udf89<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\udd74 Guruji’s wisdom:<\/em> \u201cIn marriage they shower flowers… in divorce, milk! Clean Husband Mission!<\/em>\u201d \ud83d\udec1\ud83d\udc94\ud83d\udc04<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf93 Guruji\u2019s doubt:<\/em> \u201cIf certificates could fill your stomach, India would become the World Bank!\u201d \ud83c\udf7d\ufe0f\ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\ude05<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\ude0c Guruji\u2019s warning:<\/em> \u201cOne sneeze from Rahul Gandhi, and Karnataka politics catches viral fever!\u201d \ud83d\ude37\ud83e\udd27\ud83d\udcc9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f Guruji’s line:<\/em> \u201cTrump gives tension to Europe, and Europe responds with PowerPoint presentations!\u201d \ud83e\udde0\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\udde3\ufe0f<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd25 Guruji\u2019s roast:<\/em> \u201cElon bro, you bought Twitter, not a stand-up comedy club! Relax or pay your EMI in memes!\u201d \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\udcc9\ud83e\udd16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPolitics is comedy in slow motion\u2026
And life is Twitter without an edit button!\u201d \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udce2\ud83e\udd23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014 Where wisdom wears sunglasses and cracks jokes!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udecf\ufe0f\ud83d\udcf5\ud83d\udca1
True discipline is waking up without swiping Instagram first thing.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf5b\ud83c\udfc3\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\u2764\ufe0f
Love may leave you, but food stays loyal.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udcb0\u2744\ufe0f
Guruji\u2019s summer survival strategy: Buy less stress, more ice cream.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u265f\ufe0f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9
Save your wisdom. Use mute button instead.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd70\ufe0f\ud83e\udd13\ud83d\udc4f
Progress > Perfection, beta.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2764\ufe0f\ud83e\udd5e\ud83d\udd01
Stir it, wait overnight, and flip it when it gets hot.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf4b\u27a1\ufe0f\ud83e\udd6d
Guruji doesn\u2019t accept sour deals in life.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd0b\ud83d\udcf1\ud83d\ude35
Sleep is meditation lying down with snoring background music.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83e\udd10\ud83d\udd19\ud83d\udc42
If you\u2019re the topic, you\u2019re the traffic.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n