\ud83d\udce3 Dear friends, \ud83e\udd39\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \ud83d\udce2) \ud83d\udc53<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m your Guruji \u2013 here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc53 Read it. \ud83d\ude02 Laugh it. \ud83d\udde3\ufe0f Share it.!<\/em> \ud83c\udf36\ufe0f\ud83d\udcfa<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f \ud83d\ude0e \ud83e\udd13 \ud83e\uddd9\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong>\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude1c \ud83e\udd2a \ud83d\ude0f \ud83e\udd74 \ud83e\udd2f \ud83e\udd74 \ud83d\ude0f \ud83e\udd2a \ud83d\ude1c\ud83d\ude02 \ud83e\uddd9\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/strong> \ud83e\udd13 \ud83d\ude0e \ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83d\uddde\ufe0f Truth bombs wrapped in laughter!<\/em> \ud83c\udfa4\ud83d\ude02<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83c\udf99\ufe0f Guruji\u2019s Comedy News Bulletin \u2013 Full Paisa Vasool Edition! \ud83c\udf89\ud83d\udd7a \ud83e\uddd1\u200d\ud83d\ude80 “This mission feels like a rebirth of Shubhanshu”: Family rejoices \ud83c\udf0a Shux Makes A Big Splash \ud83d\udde3\ufe0f Jaishankar: ‘Will bring Pahalgam attackers to justice’ \ud83d\ude81 Pak drones return, pushing drugs & guns into India \ud83d\ude97 Tesla enters India with <\/strong>\u20b9<\/strong>61 Lakh Model Y \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f “You are not a prisoner. You are a bird in flight…” \u265f\ufe0f India-China relations: It\u2019s all Chess Moves \ud83d\udca5 Trump to Zelensky: \u2018Can Kyiv hit Moscow?\u2019 \ud83c\udfe6 SBI may launch <\/strong>\u20b9<\/strong>25,000-crore QIP today \ud83c\udf7c Woman gives birth on moving bus, throws newborn out of window \ud83d\udcc9 Markets decline in early trade \ud83d\udcac Guruji\u2019s Closing Punch: \ud83e\udd23\ud83d\uded5 GURUJI’S COMEDY WISDOM THOUGHTS \u2013 In Super Jolly Mood! \ud83c\udf89\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udca1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83c\udf1f 1. “Life is not a race\u2026 it\u2019s a buffet. Eat what you love, but don\u2019t overfill your plate!” \ud83d\udcf1 2. “Your mobile has airplane mode, but your brain? Always in panic mode!” \ud83d\udcb8 3. “Money can\u2019t buy happiness\u2026 but it can buy coffee \u2013 and that’s a happy start!” \u23f0 4. “Don’t wait for the perfect time\u2026 Even clocks break but still show time twice!” \ud83e\uddf9 5. “Clean your mind like you clean your room\u2026 Once a year doesn\u2019t help!” \ud83d\udc83 6. “Some people are like Bluetooth\u2026 They connect only when they need something!” \ud83d\ude44 7. “Don’t take life too seriously\u2026 Even your shadow leaves you in the dark!” \ud83d\udcda 8. “A wise person reads books\u2026 A fun one reads people\u2026 GURUJI reads both and writes jokes!” \ud83c\udfaf 9. “Don\u2019t aim to impress\u2026 Aim to express. Even parrots can repeat \u2013 but can they rap?” \ud83d\udecf\ufe0f 10. “Early to bed and early to rise\u2026 still doesn\u2019t work if you\u2019re broke and lazy!”“Choose happiness today and every day” \ud83d\ude04<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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Guruji says: \u201cHe went to space like a biscuit and came back like a double-layered cake! Mummy-Daddy full happy mode\u2026 NASA launched, but Indian parents launched tears of joy! \ud83d\ude80\ud83e\udd72\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGuruji says: Splash should be in a pool, not in the stock market! Otherwise, the only thing you\u2019ll be swimming in is losses and regrets! \ud83d\udca6\ud83d\udcc9\ud83d\ude02\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAttackers, beware! It\u2019s not Bollywood here, it\u2019s Bharat Policewood! Jaishankarji says: No welcome, just jail entry straight! \ud83d\ude93\ud83d\udc6e\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGuruji\u2019s drone tip: If it\u2019s not bringing Amazon package, it\u2019s trouble! Buy 1 gun, get 2 drugs free\u2014Pakistan’s new offer. \ud83e\udd26\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udd2b\ud83d\udce6\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guruji laughs: \u201cAt 61 lakhs, this is not just a car\u2014it\u2019s a moving ego! You\u2019re not buying Tesla, you\u2019re buying attention with AC! \ud83d\udcb8\u26a1\ufe0f\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGuruji says: Beautiful quote… But even birds need GPS! Fly towards your dreams, but make sure you don\u2019t hit an electric pole! \ud83d\udc26\ud83d\udcad\ud83e\udeab\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis ain\u2019t a dance \u2013 it’s a mind game with military background music! Guruji says: \u2018Two can\u2019t wango… it\u2019s just \u2018check\u2019, never \u2018mate\u2019! \ud83c\uddee\ud83c\uddf3\u265f\ufe0f\ud83c\udde8\ud83c\uddf3\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guruji: \u201cWhat is this, a WhatsApp dare? World leaders chatting like it\u2019s Call of Duty. Someone stop them before Netflix makes a series! \ud83e\udd2f\ud83d\udcf2\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guruji: \u201cSBI is launching big\u2026 but customers are still struggling to print passbook! 25,000 crores = Quick Income Panic! \ud83d\udcb0\ud83c\udfc3\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guruji shocked: \u201cOMG! Delivery on wheels \u2013 and baby thrown out? Even Amazon gives better customer care! Some people need emotional reboot! \ud83d\ude8c\ud83d\udc76\ud83d\udeab\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Guruji market wisdom: \u201cMorning mood, market also moody! Stocks are not sleeping\u2026 they\u2019re fainting in real time! \ud83d\ude35\ud83d\udcc9\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNews is spicy, but don\u2019t let it give you acidity! Stay chill, laugh like a child, and remember: Life is not breaking news \u2013 it\u2019s a daily comedy episode! \ud83d\ude04\ud83d\udcfa\u2728\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Otherwise, your stomach and your dreams \u2013 both will burst! \ud83c\udf71\ud83d\udca5\ud83d\ude02<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Take a break before your thoughts take off without passport! \ud83e\udde0\u2708\ufe0f\ud83e\udd23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Without coffee, even GURUJI forgets mantras! \u2615\ud83e\uddd8\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\ude02<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Be like an old clock \u2013 wrong often, but still useful! \ud83d\udd70\ufe0f\ud83d\ude1c<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Dust of drama, and vacuum the negativity! \ud83e\uddfc\ud83e\udde0\ud83d\udca8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 GURUJI prefers Wi-Fi souls \u2013 strong connection and no drama! \ud83d\udcf6\ud83d\ude06<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 So laugh a little louder, even if your problems are watching! \ud83d\ude02\ud83c\udf11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Be the kind of person others highlight like a good quote! \ud83d\udcd6\u2728\ud83e\udd23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Be original \u2013 even if you sound like a broken tabla! \ud83e\udd41\ud83e\udd9c\ud83d\ude04<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc49 Wake up with energy, not just alarm! \u23f0\ud83d\udcaa\ud83e\udd23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n