🌞 Guruji’s Comedy News Bulletin — Powered by Chai, Chill & Chuckles! ☕🤣
🪔 1️⃣ “This is the Century of India & ASEAN,” says Modi.
👉 Guruji says: Wah! India’s century has begun — only 75 years late on schedule. ⏰
🐶 2️⃣ PM praises forces for desi dog induction.
👉 Guruji says: Finally, Made-in-India dogs guarding Made-in-India secrets! 🐕🦺
🤝 3️⃣ “We’ll strengthen people-to-people ties,” says PM to ASEAN.
👉 Guruji says: Correct! Politician-to-politician ties are already strong — time for common people to shake hands too 🤝📱
💣 4️⃣ Terrorism is a serious global challenge, says Modi.
👉 Guruji says: True! Some people drop bombs, others drop fake WhatsApp forwards — both equally explosive! 💥📲
🕵️♂️ 5️⃣ Those entering the US to be part of facial recognition data.
👉 Guruji says: Arrey wah! Now, even immigration will say — “Face the truth, sir!” 😎📸
📢 6️⃣ EC to announce SIR Phase-1 today; Stalin ups ante.
👉 Guruji says: Election ka season aa gaya! Promises will rain heavier than Chennai monsoon — and last half as long! ☔🗳️
🌅 7️⃣ Modi: Chhath is a beautiful example of India’s social unity.
👉 Guruji says: True Guruji logic — when the sun sets in Ganga and rises in WhatsApp reels, unity automatically happens! 🌞📿
⚖️ 8️⃣ “Inner Journey begins with Outer Justice.”
👉 Guruji says: Correct! First, get justice for your parking spot… only then start your inner peace journey! 🚗🧘♂️
❤️ 9️⃣ “A society without compassion isn’t truly progressive.”
👉 Guruji says: Absolutely! If you can’t smile at your neighbour’s Wi-Fi name, how will you smile at humanity? 😄📶
✋ 🔟 “I will not exploit anyone, nor allow anyone to exploit me.”
👉 Guruji says: Superb! But try telling that to your auto driver at midnight. 💸😆
⚡ 11️⃣ “World plugs into India.”
👉 Guruji says: Correct! We’ve got the best connection — power cuts, but full spiritual charge! 🔌🕉️
💅 12️⃣ “India turning world’s beauty spot.”
👉 Guruji says: True! Even Mother Earth is saying, “Filter lagao, India is glowing!” 💖🌏
⚙️ 13️⃣ “India’s rare earth manufacturing plan may hit China wall.”
👉 Guruji says: China built a wall — let’s see who wins! 🧱😎
🧠 14️⃣ “Let a hundred minds explore ideas freely.”
👉 Guruji says: And one mind, please explore how to fix Chennai traffic! 🚦😂
🎭 15️⃣ “Reality is not fixed.”
👉 Guruji says: Especially during election season — promises change faster than reality! 🌀🎩
⛽ 16️⃣ “India needs major hydrocarbon discoveries.”
👉 Guruji says: Forget oil, Guruji has discovered the real fuel — laughter! 😄🔥
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