GURUJI’s Truth bombs wrapped in laughter, trending news, breaking news

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

“Choose happiness today and every day” 😄

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

🗞️ Truth bombs wrapped in laughter! 🎤😂

📢 Guruji’s LOL News Bulletin – Today’s World in 10 Punches! 🤣🗞️
“There are no breaking news… only heart-breaking comedy!” 😜📡

1️⃣ “Sweeping Rate Cuts in GST?!”
🧹 Guruji: GST Council planning a mega discount carnival! 💸
The government is now offering tax relief in Diwali combo packs! 🎁🔥
“Next up: Buy 1 tax, get 2 exemptions absolutely free!” 😂🎊

2️⃣ “Illegal Migrants Getting Aadhaar?!”
👁️ Guruji: Aadhaar now stands for “All Are Delivered Here After Arrival Randomly!” 🪪👻
Even aliens from Mars are getting Aadhaar now! 👽📜
“Next Lieutenant Governor order: Catch them before they apply for a PAN card!” 🕵️‍♂️

3️⃣ “Terrorists Hiding in Pir Panjal Mountains”
🌄 Guruji: Security forces on a treasure hunt… except the treasure is terrorists! 💣🔍
“Pir Panjal is turning into a PUBG game zone! Only headshots are missing!” 🎮🚁

4️⃣ “Canada Not Your Playground, Says SFJ”
🇨🇦 Guruji: “Kapil Sharma thought Canada was his playground… now hide & seek has begun!” 🕵️‍♂️🤐
SFJ warning: Brother Kapil, stop the comedy, protect your passport! 😅📛

5️⃣ “Muslims – Fastest Growing Religion” – Pew Study
🌍 Guruji: Pew report says they’re the fastest growing group!
Other religions are asking Pew: “Bro, which protein shake are they using?” 💪📈😄

6️⃣ “Nepal Could Be Terror Route – Alert!”
🇳🇵 Guruji: Terrorists now taking scenic trekking routes! 🧗‍♂️🚶‍♂️
Indian intelligence: “No longer tracking phones… now tracking hiking boots!” 🥾📡

7️⃣ “UPI Boom = Less Cash” – IMF
📲 Guruji: Cashless economy = more tea, less change! ☕💳
Even roadside tea shops are saying: “No QR code, no tea – go cry!” 😆🤑

8️⃣ “Men Afraid to Date – Blame Manliness?”
👨 Guruji: Today’s boys are not afraid of ghosts… but terrified of first dates! 😨💔
Dating app profiles now say: “Swipe right only if you’re okay with me crying after coffee!” 😭☕📱

9️⃣ “India-US Talks May Cut Tariff Below 20%”
🗽 Guruji: Tariff going down… may the prices follow too! 💵✂️
Indian importers praying: “Just don’t say ‘dollar’… give it in rupees!” 🙏💰

🔟 “AI171 Crash – Pilot Confused Over Fuel Switches!”
✈️ Guruji: The aircraft had Artificial Intelligence, but the pilot was searching for the fuel button like it’s a kitchen mixer grinder! ⚙️🛢️
Manual was missing… and common sense flew away too! 😵‍💫📖
Guruji’s punch: “The warning said: ‘RUN to CUTOFF’… but the pilot thought it was a race to the airport!” 🏃‍♂️🛬

📿 Guruji’s Final Wisdom:
“The world is full of confusion, corruption, and comedy… and still we keep scrolling!” 📱🤣
🙏 Laugh daily. Tax-free, tension-free, Guruji-certified! 😇😂

🤣📿 Guruji’s Daily Dose of LOL Wisdom 📿🤣
Straight from Himalayas (with 5G signal & a chai in hand) ☕📱🏔️

🌞 1. “Worry is like a rocking chair 🪑 – keeps you moving, but gets you nowhere!”
So stop worrying, and start dancing 💃😂

🧘‍♂️ 2. “Be like Wi-Fi 📡 – strong connection, no tension!”
But remember: too many connections = battery drain ⚡😂

💸 3. “Money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy paneer dosa! 🥳😂”
And that’s close enough for a South Indian soul! 😋😂

⏰ 4. “Time heals everything… except Monday mornings!”
Even my chakras refuse to open before coffee ☕🙈

🧠 5. “Overthinking is like chewing gum after taste is gone – pointless & sticky!”
Let go… unless you’re chewing paan – then let go fast! 😬💥

💖 6. “True love is like Wi-Fi – invisible but connects your heart… until network problem!”
Then suddenly it’s buffering… buffering… breakup! 💔📶😅

🌈 7. “Be positive – like a COVID test result you want to avoid!”
Stay away from toxic people… and crowded WhatsApp groups 😂📵

🍫 8. “Life is short – eat the chocolate first, then regret later with yoga!”
Calories can wait, joy can’t 😋🧘‍♂️

🐒 9. “Mind is like a monkey… tie it with banana of meditation!”
And if monkey gets bored – give it Instagram break 🍌📲😂

📦 10. “Don’t box yourself in – unless it’s Amazon delivery of happiness!”
Open up your mind and your parcels! 📦💥😄

🕉️ Guruji’s Final Word:
“Live light, laugh loud, and love limitlessly… unless it’s with your neighbor’s Wi-Fi!” 😂📿📶