📣 Dear friends, 🤹♂️ 📢) 👓
😂🎤⚡🤣📢 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin – English Edition 🌍☕
📰 News 1: After new tariffs, trust between US & India is running low 🇺🇸🇮🇳
👉 Guruji Punch: “Arrey boss… this trust is like my WiFi signal – full bars in the morning, gone by evening! 📶🤣”
📰 News 2: PM Modi remains the most popular leader 🙌
👉 Guruji Punch: “Even Maggi noodles don’t stay hot this long… but Modi’s popularity still steaming! 🍜🔥😂”
📰 News 3: Pulwama reclaims nights with cricket under lights 🏏✨
👉 Guruji Punch: “Forget World Cup stadiums, bro… true cricket is when aunty shouts from balcony: ‘Ball mat todna!’ 🏠🤣”
📰 News 4: Indian couples should ideally have three children to keep civilisation alive 👶👶👶
👉 Guruji Punch: “Arrey! Netflix, Swiggy bills already heavy… now 3 kids? That’s not civilisation, that’s population IPL! 📺🍔🤣”
📰 News 5: Modi en route to SCO to meet Xi & Putin ✈️
👉 Guruji Punch: “This meeting is like a 3-hero Bollywood movie – full drama, no popcorn interval! 🎬😂”
📰 News 6: Kejriwal questions why no big Congress leader was arrested 🤔
👉 Guruji Punch: “Boss, that’s like asking why no hero dies in a Tamil movie… script doesn’t allow! 🎥🤣”
📰 News 7: Centre looks for rollback of 50% additional duty by US 💸
👉 Guruji Punch: “US duty is like gym membership fee – starts small, then suddenly doubles! 🏋️😂”
📰 News 8: Govt eyes exports beyond US 🌍📦
👉 Guruji Punch: “Finally India said: ‘Bhai, one-sided love story nahi chalega… let’s date other countries too!’ 💌😂”
📰 News 9: India gained $2.5bn/yr from Russian crude imports ⛽💰
👉 Guruji Punch: “Putin giving oil discounts like Diwali sales… ‘Buy one barrel, get one free hug!’ 🤗😂”
📰 News 10: FM affirms help to exporters to maintain growth 📈
👉 Guruji Punch: “Exporters praying to FM like students pray before exams – ‘Madam, passing marks please!’ 📚🤣”
📰 News 11: Time to take Indo-Japan ties to next level 🇮🇳🇯🇵
👉 Guruji Punch: “Already we have Bullet Trains… next level maybe Bullet Idlis? 🚅🥘🤣”
📰 News 12: China & India should jointly safeguard peace on border 🕊️
👉 Guruji Punch: “Peace talks on border are like Tom & Jerry… fight everyday, but still same show continues! 🐭🐱🤣”
🔥 Guruji Closing Punchline:
“Tariffs, cricket, babies, and border peace – India’s news is like biryani, boss… full masala, always spicy! 🍲🔥🤣”
😎🎤 Guruji’s Daily Wisdom Dose – Love & Peace Special 💖🌍
🌸 Guruji Opening Punch:
“Boss… Love is not just filmy romance 🎶❤️ … it’s the shortcut WiFi to inner peace! 🧘♂️✨ Those who feel love naturally vibe in harmony with the world! 😇🌎”
💡 Guruji Insight 1:
👉 “When we feel love for others, we find peace in ourselves.”
😎 Guruji Meaning: The moment you feel love for others, your heart becomes a peaceful temple.
🛠 Action Plan:
Every day, silently bless at least 2 people: “May good things happen for them.” 🙏
When anger rises, take 10 deep breaths. That fire will cool into love. 🌬️❤️
💡 Guruji Insight 2:
👉 “When we act from that love, we heal the world.”
😎 Guruji Meaning: Love is powerful, but action from love is transformational.
🛠 Action Plan:
Offer small helps—holding the door, carrying a bag, sharing a smile. 🏡✨
Ask yourself once a day: “How can I help someone right now?” 💪
💡 Guruji Insight 3:
👉 “An ocean is filled drop by drop.”
😎 Guruji Meaning: Big changes are built from tiny good deeds.
🛠 Action Plan:
Commit to one act of kindness every day (even a smile counts 😃).
Maintain a “Kindness Diary” – write one good thing you did daily. 📒✍️
💡 Guruji Insight 4:
👉 “Let us each be one drop. Together, we can create a sea of kindness.”
😎 Guruji Meaning: You are one drop, I am one drop – together we form a mighty ocean of compassion. 🌊
🛠 Action Plan:
Share one positive message on WhatsApp/Facebook daily. 📲✨
Start a Kindness Game at home – every time someone does good, everyone claps. 👏😄
💡 Guruji Insight 5:
👉 “Let’s not wait. Let’s begin.”
😎 Guruji Meaning: Tomorrow is an excuse. The real power is in NOW. ⏰
🛠 Action Plan:
Make this line your phone wallpaper. 📱
Do one good act immediately (like buying groceries for a neighbor granny 🥦).
🔥 Guruji Closing Punch:
“Love is like free WiFi, Boss! 🌐😂 When the signal is full, your life downloads Peace and uploads Kindness!” 💖😎
Choose happiness today and every day
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
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Yours,
📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
