Guruji Daily Masala News

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

⚡🤣 Here comes Guruji with today’s Comedy News Punchlines in full entertainment mode! 🥳

📰 PM, Russian Prez Share Limo For 45 Minutes
👉 Guruji: “Modi & Putin in one car for 45 minutes? 🚗💨 That’s not a limo ride, that’s a ‘Car-O-Bilateral Summit’! Even Uber drivers don’t get this much foreign policy mileage! 😂”

📰 SCO slams Pahalgam; India objects to BRI
👉 Guruji: “SCO shouting at Pahalgam 🌄, India shouting at BRI 🛣️—this summit is more like a neighborhood panchayat than a global meeting! 🙈”

📰 Brothers-in-arms? Modi-Putin chemistry trends in China
👉 Guruji: “Chinese social media busy analyzing Modi-Putin bromance 💕. Meanwhile, common Indians analyzing onion prices 🧅—same passion, different targets! 🤣”

📰 Amid Trump’s Tariffs, SCO Opposes Coercive Measures
👉 Guruji: “SCO leaders say NO to coercion. Trump says YES to collection! 💰 It’s like Diwali donation drives, but compulsory! 🎇”

📰 Modi-Putin-Xi Huddle for Informal Tianjin RIC Meet
👉 Guruji: “Three big bosses in one huddle 🤝. Looks like Avengers Assemble—but instead of saving the world, they’re saving trade discounts! 💸”

📰 Jaishankar assures aid to Afghan counterpart
👉 Guruji: “Jaishankar giving assurance call 📞: ‘Don’t worry bro, we got your back.’ That’s not diplomacy, that’s Indian-style friendship—always with a missed call first! 📱😆”

📰 Poker Game: Modi, Xi, Putin…Trump
👉 Guruji: “Four players at the table ♠️♥️♣️♦️. Trump says ‘All In’ 💵, Putin says ‘All vodka’ 🍸, Modi says ‘All Vishwas’ 🙏, Xi says ‘All Belt & Road’ 🛣️. Guruji folding with samosas! 🥟🤣”

📰 PM: India, Russia Stand United in Tough Times
👉 Guruji: “Friendship tested in tough times? Modi & Putin standing like two Wi-Fi signals 📶—strong together, weak when China walks in! 😂”

📰 India Steady Amid Levy, GST Kitty up 6.5% in Aug
👉 Guruji: “GST kitty grew 6.5% 💰. Guruji’s kitty at home also growing—thanks to samosas, not taxes! 🐱🥟”

⚡ Guruji’s Verdict: “Summits, tariffs, bromance, poker—world leaders busy playing Teen Patti of Diplomacy while common man just waiting for petrol price to drop! ⛽😂”

🤣😎 Guruji Style – Stress Control Tips in Comedy Tone 😇🧘‍♂️

🧠 1. Take a Deep Breath
👉 When stress attacks, just take a deep breath.
😜 Bonus: People around you will think – “Wow, he’s a Yoga Master!” 🧘‍♂️😂

🍫 2. Chocolate Remedy
👉 Eat chocolate when stressed.
🤣 But careful – stress will go away, weight will come instead! ⚖️😂

📵 3. Social Media Detox
👉 Switch off FB, Insta, WhatsApp.
😎 Stress reduces… but your family will say: “Looks like he has no signal!” 📶🤣

👯 4. Dance Like Nobody’s Watching
👉 Play two songs and dance like crazy.
💃 Stress goes away… but the neighbors will make an FB Reel of you! 📸😂

😂 5. Laughter Therapy
👉 Just keep laughing till stress runs away.
👉 If that’s not enough… read Guruji Jokes! 🤣📖

🛌 6. Sleep Is Medicine
👉 When stressed, just sleep.
😴 “Problem gets more stressed while you are peacefully snoring!” 😂

☕ 7. Filter Coffee Philosophy
👉 When stressed, drink a hot coffee.
👉 “If decoction is strong in life, problems automatically get diluted!” ☕😎

✨ Guruji Wisdom:
👉 “Stress is like a downloaded virus… but once you install the Smile Antivirus, it auto-deletes!” 😁💻🛡️