Guruji Daily Masala News, Comedy & Happiness!

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

😎📢 Guruji’s Comedy News Bulletin – Today’s Hot & Spicy Headlines with Masala Punchlines 🌶️😂👇

📰 “Always friends,” says Trump; “Fully reciprocate,” says Modi
👉 Arrey wah! Two leaders acting like WhatsApp DP lovers – “You put my pic, I’ll put yours!” 📸💘

📰 Macron briefs Modi on Ukraine talks
👉 Guruji wonders – Is Macron giving briefing or Netflix spoiler? 🎬😜 “Season 3: Ukraine – Still No Happy Ending!”

📰 FM to states: Will ensure your fiscal health is safeguarded
👉 Wah ji wah! Looks like Nirmala Sitharaman is now also a Doctor for States 🩺💰 – “Take two GST pills and call me in the morning!”

📰 EAM: Modi, Trump have always been good friends
👉 Guruji says – Tom & Jerry also friends na, but every episode ends with chase! 🐭🐱😂

📰 UK police inspect Tihar as part of move to extradite fugitives
👉 Guruji laughing – Tihar looking like Airbnb property now: “Foreign guests welcome, free chai included!” ☕🏚️

📰 India’s growth defies pessimists despite slowdown scare
👉 Miracle economy indeed! India walking like Rajinikanth entry scene – slow motion, but swag maximum! 💃🔥

📰 Corporate climbers scaling new heights—literally
👉 Guruji asks – Are they climbing corporate ladders or Himalayas? 🧗💼 Soon board meetings will need oxygen masks! 🏔️😂

📰 Unity call sparks fresh rift in AIADMK
👉 Arrey! In Tamil Nadu politics, “Unity call” = “Comedy call.” 📞🎭 Like family WhatsApp group – always fights over who left the fridge open! 🥶🍛

📰 GST reforms could add ₹20 lakh crore to GDP: Vaishnaw
👉 Guruji says – GST is like shampoo ad: “Now with 20% extra!” 💆💰 Next time bill will come with free GDP boost!

📰 Mumbai bomb threat suspect arrested within 24 hrs
👉 Wah police! Speed like Swiggy delivery – “Bomb suspect delivered fresh, within 24 hours!” 🚔⚡

😎📢 Guruji’s “Forever Young” Survival Guide 🧘‍♂️✨

Arrey my dear time-travelers! 🚀 You want to stay young always? Then listen carefully… Guruji is giving secret formula with laughter guarantee 😂👇

🥦 1. Eat Like a Rabbit, Not Like a Dinosaur

👉 Salad in the mouth, not samosa in the stomach.
If you eat like Jurassic Park, you’ll roar like dinosaur and sleep for 3 hours 🦖💤.
If you eat like Bugs Bunny, you’ll hop around with energy 🐇⚡.

🏃‍♂️ 2. Move Your Body or It Will Become Museum Piece

Arrey, body is not sofa set for Netflix only 📺🛋️.
Stretch, dance, walk, jog… even chasing auto rickshaw counts as cardio 🚶‍♂️🕺🚖.

😍 3. Keep Flirting With Life

Romance is free anti-aging cream 💋.
Wife happy → wrinkles gone.
Wife angry → wrinkles double 😬.
So, husband log, practice daily “Yes Dear Yoga” 🙏😂.

😂 4. Laugh Until Your Belly Shakes

Doctor says: 20 minutes of laughter = 2 hours of youth injection 🤩.
Guruji says: Watch your electricity bill after laughing, current shock also makes you jump 🪫⚡🤣.

🧘‍♀️ 5. Stress Less, Sleep More

Arrey, wrinkles come faster than Amazon Prime delivery when you overthink 🛒📦.
Switch off brain, not just mobile. Sleep like a king 👑💤.

🎶 6. Keep Child Inside Alive

Dance like Govinda 🕺, sing like bathroom singer 🎤🚿,
and play video games with grandkids 🎮.
Childlike mischief = Youth battery 🔋✨.

🍋 7. Drink More Water Than Gossip

Hydration = natural Botox 💧.
But don’t confuse juice with news. Juice gives vitamins, gossip gives BP 🤯📰.

🌞 8. Sun, Fun & Vitamin D

Morning sun = free recharge ☀️.
Too much sun = roasted peanut 🥜🔥.
Balance karo, otherwise people will mistake you for solar panel. 😂

📖 Guruji’s Action Plan for Eternal Youth 📝

1️⃣ Morning: Laugh, stretch, drink water like camel 🐪.
2️⃣ Afternoon: Light food, heavy nap 😴.
3️⃣ Evening: Walk like hero in slow motion 🕶️🎬.
4️⃣ Night: Talk sweet with family, not spicy 🌶️.
5️⃣ Bonus: Daily dose of madness 😂.

👉 Moral of the story: Youth is not about wrinkles, it’s about winks 😉.
Stay naughty, stay healthy, and stay Guruji-certified young forever! 🎉🎂✨