Guruji Daily Masala News, Breaking, Trending, Comedy & Happiness!

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

😎📢 Guruji’s Comedy News Bulletin – Today’s Hot & Spicy Headlines with Masala Punchlines 🌶️😂👇

🧕 “Society can only advance if women get respect, opportunities” – Speaker
👉 Wah! True, true 👏. But Guruji says — first give respect at home before giving speeches outside! 🙄💐 Otherwise, women will give respectful slipper therapy 👡😂

🪑 “Everyone is karyakarta”: PM Modi sits in last row at Sansad Karyashala
👉 Arrey wah, Guruji also sits in the last row during weddings… reason? Buffet is near that side 🍛😂👏

💰 Trump aide Scott Bessent calls for more tariffs on Russian oil buyers
👉 Guruji says — Trump has two hobbies: 1️⃣ Playing golf ⛳ 2️⃣ Playing with tariffs 💸. Poor world economy keeps saying “Foreeee!” 🏌️‍♂️🤣

🇪🇺 EU to unveil strategic vision for India on Sept 17
👉 Guruji advice: Before giving “strategic vision” 👓, please give spectacles to EU leaders — they can’t even see Brexit drama properly! 🤷‍♂️😂

🛒 BJP board lauds PM for GST rejig: “Self-reliant India”
👉 Guruji thought GST means “Galli Samosa Tax” 😋. But apparently, it’s “Get Some Tension”! 🤯😂

💱 “Govt keeping good watch on rupee movement”: Sitharaman
👉 Wah ji wah! 👀 Guruji also keeps good watch on rupee movement… from pocket to wife’s purse 💸➡️👜… No return journey! 🤣

🤝 US lobbyist hired by India meets Trump
👉 Lobbyist to Trump: “Sir, India sent me.” Trump: “India? Good, where’s the curry?” 🍛😂

💻🙏 Teen coder becomes first millennial Catholic saint
👉 Wah beta wah! While teens are coding PUBG hacks 🎮, this fellow coded straight to sainthood! ⛪✨ #ShortcutToHeaven 😂

🚄 India plans to put large infra projects in fast lane
👉 Guruji warning: Please don’t put them in traffic jam lane! 🚧 Otherwise, projects will reach destination only in next janma! 🕉️🤣

📈 New window for FPIs may make business a breeze
👉 Guruji thought “FPI” means “Free Pakoda Initiative” 🍳😂… but apparently it’s about foreign money, not onion bajji! 🧅🤣

👴 “Age no bar if capable leaders run the country”: Ram Madhav
👉 Wah! Guruji supports — but condition: at least remember where Parliament is 🚶‍♂️🏛️ and not confuse it with marriage hall! 🤣

🎤 “Be refined, ready for debates”: Modi to BJP MPs
👉 Guruji tip: “Refined” means not sunflower oil 🌻 but refined language 🌸. MPs, please control volume button 🔊🤣

⛔ Trump signals tougher stance on Moscow
👉 Guruji says Trump is like school teacher — first period warning ⚠️, second period punishment 👊. Russia, better do homework! 😂

💔 RSS: Love jihad, conversions pose threat
👉 Guruji asks: Love itself is difficult 💘, now with jihad version… arre baba, Romeo also will run away to Himalayas 🏔️🤣

😇 “The art of staying positive comes naturally to politicians”
👉 Of course! Only politicians can smile while LPG prices go UP ⛽💸, onion prices go UP 🧅📈, but promises always come DOWN 📉🤣

😊 “Put a smile on your face; it will soon pass…”
👉 Guruji guarantee: Even kidney stones pass! 🪨😖😂 So don’t worry, life also will move on 🚶‍♂️✨

👉😎 That’s today’s Guruji Comedy Masala News — where facts meet chutney and politics meet punchlines! 🌶️📰🤣

Dispute between husband and wife? Don’t worry! Guruji is here with comedy solution kit 😂👇

😎📢 Guruji Enters with Bell & Whistle… 🔔🎺

Arrey my dear Lovebirds who fight like Tom & Jerry! 🐭🐱
🥊 Scene 1: The Quarrel Explosion

Wife: “You never listen to me!” 😡
Husband: “I was listening… to the cricket commentary!” 🏏
Guruji: Arrey Baba, first lesson – Don’t fight with background commentary. Switch off TV before switching on emotions 📺❌❤️.

🧘‍♂️ Step 1: Pause Button Therapy

👉 Instead of firing back like missiles 🚀, take 5 deep breaths.
If anger is still there, take 5 gulps of water 💧.
If still boiling… go wash 5 plates 🍽️. (Multi-purpose anger management 😜).

💐 Step 2: The “Sorry, Boss” Formula

Husbands, remember – “Sorry” is not national emergency siren 🚨.
Say it quickly, say it sweetly, before wife says, “Mummy ke ghar ja rahi hoon!” 🧳😅

🍫 Step 3: Chocolate Diplomacy

Disputes end faster if one side brings chocolate or ice cream 🍦🍫.
Guruji Guarantee: 90% quarrel will melt like ice-cream in Chennai heat 🌞.

🎭 Step 4: Comedy Mode ON

When wife is angry, crack a small joke. Example:
Wife: “You don’t love me anymore!”
Husband: “Then why does Swiggy send me food for two every night?” 🤣🍲

💃 Step 5: Dance of Peace

If nothing works, just put music 🎶 and dance like Govinda in front of her 💃.
Either she will laugh 😂 or record video 📱.
In both cases – fight over! ✅

🎯 Guruji’s Final Gyaan:

Marriage is like Wi-Fi 📡…
Sometimes signal weak, sometimes full bars.
But remember, without connection – life is boring. ❤️

So next time, instead of arguing who’s right or wrong…
Argue who will order pizza first 🍕😂!

👉 My dear couples, keep love hot 🔥 and disputes cool ❄️.
That’s Guruji’s Comedy Management Formula 💑✨