Guruji Daily Masala News & Life Tips

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

📢😎 Guruji’s Comedy News Bulletin 🎙️ – 10th September Special Edition 🌍✨

🕯️ World Suicide Prevention Day
Arrey Friends… 13,000 students took extreme steps in 2022 💔📚. Guruji’s message 👉 Exams are not Mahabharat war, it’s just paper with ink! Don’t give permanent solution to temporary problem. ✋ Instead of hanging timetable, hang out with friends! 🤝😄

🇮🇳🤝🇺🇸 India-US Trade Talks
Trump says: “Looking forward to speaking with very good friend Modi!”
Guruji says 👉 “When Trump calls Modi ‘very good friend’… it’s like neighbour uncle calling you ‘beta’ before asking to borrow scooter!” 🛵😂

⚖️ Constitutional Provisions Time Limit Debate
Supreme Court thinking: “Can laws have expiry dates?”
Guruji logic 👉 “Arrey, marriage laws expire after 7 years automatically! Proof = itch! 🥴🤣”

🗳️ Cross-voting in VP Polls
15-plus votes gone astray… INDIA bloc unity became unity biscuit – dipped in tea, broke in two! ☕🍪

💣 Army Chief Says: Low-cost + High-tech = Best Weapons
Guruji: “Wah! That’s also husband’s formula for anniversary gifts… Cheap + Smart = Happy Wife Weapon! 🎁😂”

🎉 CP Radhakrishnan Elected VP of India
From Tamil Nadu 🇮🇳 to Raisina Hill! Guruji prediction 👉 “Now Delhi will finally know the taste of proper sambar in Parliament canteen!” 🍲😄

💸 Govt Allows Sticker Price Change After GST Cuts
Guruji: “Arrey, sticker only changes, price still feels like kidney donation! 🏥💰”

🏛️ Prez, Guvs Can’t Stall Bills Even if Unconstitutional – 4 States to SC
Guruji says 👉 “In India, only thing that stalls forever is Metro construction, not bills!” 🚇😜

⚖️ SC on Frivolous Complaints
“Summons on silly cases is serious issue.”
Guruji: “Then 90% of WhatsApp University forwards will be banned immediately!” 📱🤣

🚘 SUV Falls From Showroom First Floor
One woman drove straight through glass wall! Guruji: “That’s called breaking EMI before EMI breaks you!” 💥😂

📊 Moody’s on GST Reset
“Revenue may fall.”
Guruji: “Don’t worry… what goes down, petrol price will bring up again!” 🛢️🔥

🌸 Guruji Wisdom Shot
“Compassion is not about healer vs wounded… it’s about equals. Arrey, even Guruji has darkness – mainly in electricity cuts! But remember, when we laugh and cry together, humanity becomes family.” ❤️😄

👉 Guruji signs off: Laugh, love, live… and don’t take life too seriously – after all, even SUV takes shortcut through glass wall sometimes! 🚗💨😂

🎭 Vijay’s Stand-up Comedy Highlights:

1️⃣ On Politics:
“Politics is like my movie climax… suspense till the last minute! But don’t worry, in my story, villains always get flying kicks.” 👊🎬

2️⃣ On Party Workers:
“You all are shouting ‘Thalapathy, Thalapathy!’… But remember, at election time, only one thing matters – ‘Button, Button!’ on EVM. Press correctly, otherwise sequel will flop.” 😂🗳️

3️⃣ On Opposition Parties:
“They are like item songs in movies. Suddenly they appear, make noise, and disappear. But hero (points to himself) stays till the end.” 🎶🔥

4️⃣ On Media:
“Media asks me: Are you ready for CM post? I tell them – First let me finish my shooting schedule, then I’ll check availability of the seat!” 🎥🪑🤣

5️⃣ On His Fans:
“My fans wait in long queues for my movies. Now they will wait in polling booth also. But don’t whistle inside polling booth, machine will get confused!” 📣🗳️😂

🎉 Guruji Punchline Conclusion:

Thalapathy’s conference looked less like politics and more like Vijay’s Comedy Nights Live 🌙😂.
Arrey bhai, if election campaign also has interval, songs, and popcorn — then India is ready for the first Blockbuster Democracy Show! 🍿🎬✨