Guruji Daily Masala News & Life Tips

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

📢😎 Guruji’s Comedy News Bulletin 🎙️ – 12th September Special Edition 🌍✨

👉 India, US are ‘not that far apart’ on tariff issues, deal imminent: Envoy-pick Gor
Guruji says: “Not that far apart? Just a small tax gap… like between wife’s shopping list and husband’s wallet!” 👜💸

👉 Rahul did 6 foreign visits without prior info: CRPF
“Wow! Even my neighbour’s cat informs before climbing the terrace… Rahul ji, please keep GPS on, or the nation plays hide and seek!” 🐱✈️

👉 ‘Modi’s SCO message has been received by Trump. It’s now time to fix the damage’
“Message sent, delivery report received… now let’s see if Trump replies with a ‘Thumbs up 👍’ or just blue tick ignore!” 📲😂

👉 CJI recalls HC judge who’d do everything except decide cases
“Judge sir was a multitasking champion – made tea, solved sudoku, maintained pen collection… just forgot to decide cases!” ☕🖊️🧩

👉 Shah: Link passports to fast-track immigration plan at time of issue
“Passport and immigration together? Superb! Now honeymoon couples will say – stamping at turbo speed, romance also at turbo speed!” 💏🛂

👉 ‘Indian banks’ profitability to dip in FY26’
“Banks say – ‘customer money is safe’… but their own profit is unsafe! Bank itself has EMI pending!” 🏦📉

👉 India, US Satisfied with Trade Talk Progress: Goyal
“Talks progressing? Guruji says – just one tea and snack session left, then the deal is confirmed!” 🍵🥟

👉 Madhya Pradesh Jail Inmate Flees with rifle in Chhatarpur
“Wow, free escape room experience! Rifle also free gift! Is this jail or a loyalty program?” 🔫🚪

👉 ‘Australia with Indian Migrants’
“Of course! Indians are everywhere – IT offices, cricket grounds, and now Sydney has a dosa corner too!” 🏏🥞

👉 BJP’s Campaign Mode on, Modi & Shah to Visit Bihar
“Guruji prediction: Bihar voters will see more rallies than rain this monsoon!” 🌧️🎤

👉 India, Mauritius to Start Trade in National Currencies: Modi
“Forget the dollar! Now direct exchange possible – samosa for dhokla, curry for chutney. Mauritius says – deal is perfect!” 💱🍛

👉 India’s calm and composed response to Trump’s flamboyant overtures is a lesson in elegance
“India said namaste, Trump said fireworks… difference of culture: elegance versus DJ party style!” 🙏🎆

🤣🧘 Guruji’s Laughing Therapy for Happiness 🌞

Arrey doston, medicines cure the body… but laughter cures the soul! Guruji style laughing therapy is cheaper than paracetamol and more powerful than Wi-Fi signal! 📡😂

Here’s your Guruji-approved daily happiness booster ⬇️

1️⃣ Morning LOL Yoga 🌅

Before brushing teeth, stand in front of the mirror, say “Good Morning Handsome/Beautiful” 😍 and laugh like you just won a free biryani for life! 🍛🤣

2️⃣ Giggle Breaks at Work 💻

Forget coffee break… take a 2-minute giggle break. Just imagine your boss dancing in a disco outfit with hair like Elvis. Boom – instant mood lift! 🕺😂

3️⃣ Comedy Alarm Clock ⏰

Set your ringtone to a donkey braying or baby giggling. When it rings, you’ll either laugh or run… both are good cardio! 🐴👶🤣

4️⃣ Family Laughter Game 👨‍👩‍👧

Every evening, one family member must tell the worst joke possible. The worse it is, the louder everyone laughs. Bonus: no Netflix subscription required! 📺🤣

5️⃣ Laugh with Your Body 🤸

Clap your hands, shake your belly, laugh loudly like a Bollywood villain. HAHAHA! Instant stress relief and free ab workout. 💪😂

6️⃣ Laugh at Yourself 🪞

Forgot where you kept your glasses? They’re on your head. Lost your phone? You’re holding it. Instead of frustration, just laugh – you’re already a walking comedy show! 📱🤣

7️⃣ Nighttime Chuckles 🌙

Before sleeping, replay one funny memory – like that time you slipped on a banana peel or called your teacher “Mom.” Sweet dreams guaranteed! 🍌😂

✨ Guruji’s Punchline:
“Doctors may give you tablets… but Guruji prescribes 10 minutes of laughter daily. Side effects: happiness, glowing face, and neighbors wondering if you’ve gone mad!” 🤣💊🌟