Guruji’s Comedy Sutras for Social Media Stardom,

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

🙏🤣 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin 🤣🙏 🎙️ – Special Edition 🌍✨

1️⃣ New Nepal PM Sushila Karki vows to end corruption 😇
Guruji 👉 Promises are free, but action comes with GST! 💸😂

2️⃣ UNICEF warns India faces obesity epidemic 🍔
Guruji 👉 India is running behind burgers instead of running ahead of them! 🏃‍♂️🍟

3️⃣ PM Modi accuses Congress of backing terrorists 🚨
Guruji 👉 Congress has become the babysitter for infiltrators! 👶💣

4️⃣ Government planning ‘demography mission’ 🧑‍🤝‍🧑
Guruji 👉 Census with danda power – infiltrators, pack your bags! 📊👊

5️⃣ Trump’s travel ban blocks students 🎓
Guruji 👉 The American dream has turned into a visa nightmare! 😴🛂

6️⃣ Amit Shah: Hindi should be language of science, judiciary, police 🧐
Guruji 👉 Scientists, judges, and cops may soon need Hindi tuition! 📖😂

7️⃣ Sedan flies off flyover, lands on rail tracks 🚗🚂
Guruji 👉 Car auditioning for Fast & Furious – Railway Edition! 🚀🤣

8️⃣ US pushes India to buy corn 🌽
Guruji 👉 Popcorn pressure diplomacy – take corn or get roasted! 🍿💥

9️⃣ GST cut: 99% goods drop from 12% to 5% 💰
Guruji 👉 From heavy tax to light snack – shopkeepers dancing already! 🍪💸

🔟 PM: No appeasement, only satisfaction 🙏
Guruji 👉 Government policy – not sweet talk, only sweet action! 🍬🔥

🤣 Guruji’s Mantra:
Politics is like a cup of coffee ☕ – promises are sugar, policies are milk, scams are froth… but in the end, YOU pay the bill! 💳😂

😂📱 Guruji Social Media Management Tips for Influencer Stardom! 🌟

Friends, you want to become a Social Media Influencer? Simple! Don’t worry, Guruji has cracked the code—like breaking a crunchy snack with hot tea ☕😋.

🔑 Guruji’s Comedy Sutras for Social Media Stardom

1️⃣ Content is King, Consistency is Queen 👑
👉 If you post once in six months, even your grandmother will unfollow you!
✅ Daily posts = Daily dose of Vitamin YOU 💊✨.

2️⃣ Each Platform has its own Style 🎭

Instagram = Fashion show 💃📸

Twitter/X = Politics + Jokes 🐦😂

LinkedIn = Serious face 😐📈 (but post jokes with “Leadership” tag, and people will clap!)

Facebook = Family WhatsApp 2.0 👵📲

3️⃣ Engage like you are giving free snacks 🍴
Comment, reply, share, laugh, cry… do everything!
👉 Algorithm loves you the way aunties love gossip 🤫🔥.

4️⃣ Guruji Formula = 70-20-10 📊

70% = Value 🧠 (tips, info, motivation)

20% = Fun 😂 (memes, reels, jokes)

10% = Self-promotion 💰 (Yes, show off a little, otherwise how will brand deals come?)

5️⃣ Trends = Free Rocket Ride 🚀
👉 Use trending hashtags, reels, and songs.
But warning: Don’t do a dance challenge if your knees are older than Indian Railways 🚉😂.

6️⃣ Your Brand = Your Spice 🌶️
👉 Choose your “flavor” (motivator, comedian, foodie, dancer, techie, or even “angry uncle ranting”).
People follow spice, not plain porridge 🍲.

7️⃣ Patience, dear! ⏳
👉 Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither was any famous YouTuber.
Keep posting, keep growing. Followers will come like relatives during festivals 💥😂.

📢 Guruji Punchline:

“Social media is like marriage—if you don’t give time, attention, and entertainment, followers will leave you and run to the next account 🤣💔.”