📣 Dear friends, 🤹♂️ 📢) 👓
🌞😂 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin – Special Edition 🎤📜 🧑⚖️
🚨 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin 🚨 😎🔥
1️⃣ Trump’s H-1B move: 🎲 UK & Europe shouting “Jackpot!” 🎉 While Indian techies saying “Bhaiya, mera number kab aayega?” 😭💻
2️⃣ Zelensky: “India mostly with us” 🙏 Modi ji: “Mostly? That’s like saying wife is partially happy… dangerous statement beta! 😅💔
3️⃣ India may buy more oil from US ⛽💰 Guruji says: “Petrol price won’t come down, but your scooter will soon qualify for home loan EMI!” 🛵🏦
4️⃣ Special cell busts Moradabad factory 🔫⚙️ — making cartridges! Guruji: “Arre wah, DIY culture is booming… from papad to pistols!” 😂💥
5️⃣ Ladakh violence planned 🗻🪓 Officials: “Not spontaneous.” Guruji: “Haan ji, even marriage fights are ‘planned’, only actors are surprised!” 👩❤️👨🥊
6️⃣ LG on conspiracy: Nepal & Bangladesh comparison 🔍 Guruji: “India’s new problem—neighbourhood gossip turning into Game of Thrones!” 🏰🐉
7️⃣ K’taka caste survey 📋 Centre says “Census in disguise.” Guruji: “Arre, even men’s hair dye is ‘Census in disguise’—black outside, white inside!” 😂🧴
8️⃣ Skilled workers, Germany calling 🇩🇪💼 Guruji: “If you know how to fix a washing machine or code in Python, pack bags… bratwurst waiting!” 🌭✈️
9️⃣ Zelensky at UN: “Stop Russia or arms race!” 💣 Guruji: “Beta, world is already racing—only difference is, no medals, only missiles!” 🏃♂️🚀
🔟 GST 2.0 💳📲 ₹11.3 Lakh Crore leap! Guruji: “Digital India is like my WiFi—fast only on Day 1, then buffering begins!” 📡🐢
1️⃣1️⃣ India turns Airbus stop 🛫 Guruji: “Finally, we are not just importing planes, but also stopping them—airport chaiwalas now saying: ‘Boarding + Bun Maska?’” ☕🥯
1️⃣2️⃣ CWC in Patna 🏛️ BJP says “political benefits.” Guruji: “Politics without benefits? That’s like marriage without honeymoon!” 😜💍
1️⃣3️⃣ Godman booked 🧘♂️➡️👮 “Sexually harassing students.” Guruji: “Spiritual class turned into Practical Lab—Shameful syllabus beta!” 📚🚫
1️⃣4️⃣ Adani on innovation & nation building 🏗️ Guruji: “Arre wah, if profit is ‘innovation’, then nation will soon run on shares instead of petrol!” 📈😂
👉 Guruji’s Verdict:
Politics is a circus 🎪, economy is a lottery 🎟️, and spirituality is sometimes a scam 🤦♂️. Best survival tip: Keep snacks ready 🍿 and watch the tamasha! 😂🔥
😂📢 Guruji’s Comedy Darbar on GST 2.0 📢😂
👑 Darbar open! All kings, queens & common men, please take seat… but bring your UPI app also! 📲💸
💂 Minister: “Maharaj, GST 2.0 is launched. Day 1 collection = ₹11.3 Lakh Crore!” 💰
👑 Guruji: “Arre wah! Paisa is flying faster than Jio data in a teenager’s phone!” 📡📱
🧕 Aunty in Darbar: “Guruji, will this reduce prices?”
👑 Guruji: “No beti… this is India, not Dubai! Here even sale season looks like exam result—full tension, zero happiness!” 📉🤣
🧔 Common man: “Guruji, is this e-payment safe?”
👑 Guruji: “Safe? Beta, hackers are already practicing like Olympic athletes—gold medal in OTP stealing!” 🥇😂
🧾 Darbar Poet:
“GST 2.0 means Give Something Today,
Tomorrow also pay, arre bhai!” 🪙📜
👑 Guruji’s Royal Verdict:
“GST 2.0 is like marriage—starts with big promises, ends with hidden charges!” 💍😂
Choose happiness today and every day
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
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Yours,
📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi – KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
