📣 Dear friends, 🤹♂️ 📢) 👓
🌞😂 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin – Special Edition 🎤📜 🧑⚖️
🚨 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin 🚨 😎🔥
1️⃣ Bharat Defence Conclave 2025 – India aiming for Atmanirbharta.
👉 Guruji: “Soon our soldiers won’t say ‘Made in China’, they’ll say ‘Made in Chennai’! 🚀🇮🇳”
2️⃣ Visakhapatnam Declaration on Digital India
👉 Guruji: “Digital transformation is like Indian WiFi—starts with full speed, then buffering becomes meditation! 📱🧘♂️”
3️⃣ Govt plans ₹1 lakh crore RDI fund
👉 Guruji: “Innovation fund? Wah! Now even jugaad will get subsidy! 💡😎”
4️⃣ PM to transfer ₹10k to 75 lakh Bihar women
👉 Guruji: “Arre! 10k in the account, but husband already waiting outside ATM with debit card! 💳😂”
5️⃣ Ease of living, ease of business
👉 Guruji: “Yes yes, ease of living means: No traffic, no GST confusion, and wife happy with Amazon sale! 🚦📦❤️”
6️⃣ Rupee invoicing in Middle East
👉 Guruji: “Finally, our rupee also going abroad for higher studies! 💸🎓”
7️⃣ Trump meets Pakistan PM
👉 Guruji: “Last time he called them ‘terrorist safe haven’, now safe haven for his election speech! 🎤🤔”
8️⃣ Trump: Victim of triple sabotage at UN
👉 Guruji: “Triple sabotage? Trump ji, in India we call that a saas-bahu serial plot! 📺🤣”
9️⃣ HAL gets ₹62k crore jet order
👉 Guruji: “HAL flying high! Now even Air India pilots jealous! ✈️🔥”
🔟 Agni Prime Missile launch
👉 Guruji: “Agni Prime is like Indian marriage—once launched, hard to control! 💥💍”
1️⃣1️⃣ EAM on Energy Uncertainty
👉 Guruji: “Yes yes, even my electricity bill feels uncertain—always more than expected! ⚡😩”
1️⃣2️⃣ Navratri boon for Gujarat’s private eyes
👉 Guruji: “Arre! Parents hiring detectives to check if children doing Garba or romance! 💃🕵️♂️😂”
1️⃣3️⃣ Strengthening ties with Russia
👉 Guruji: “Friendship with Russia is like Indian chai—always strong, never diluted! ☕🤝”
1️⃣4️⃣ Whisper of winter in the air
👉 Guruji: “Yes, first sip of chai in winter is more romantic than Bollywood song! 🌬️❤️☕”
1️⃣5️⃣ Defamation, the shorts & longs of it
👉 Guruji: “In politics, defamation case is like haircut—everyone gets one sooner or later! 💇♂️📜”
1️⃣6️⃣ Perfect GST Pill, Now for the Cure
👉 Guruji: “GST is like paracetamol—same strip, different price everywhere! 💊😂”
1️⃣7️⃣ Green Hydrogen globally competitive
👉 Guruji: “Soon even autos will say, ‘No petrol, only H2 please!’ 🚖💨”
1️⃣8️⃣ Onion, pulses, cotton prices fall
👉 Guruji: “Finally, kitchen budget looking more romantic than husband! 🧅🥳”
1️⃣9️⃣ Truecaller clarifies
👉 Guruji: “Yes yes, Truecaller doesn’t leak your contacts. But your auntie does! 📞👵😂”
2️⃣0️⃣ Indian airports high on liquor sales
👉 Guruji: “Passengers taking flight or flying themselves? 🍾✈️🤣”
2️⃣1️⃣ Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize pitch rejected
👉 Guruji: “Arre! Even Nobel committee said—‘Peace prize? First log out of Twitter!’ 🕊️📵”
2️⃣2️⃣ Maruti rural bookings double
👉 Guruji: “Gaon wale said—‘No bullock cart, only Maruti cart this Navratri!’ 🚗🌾”
2️⃣3️⃣ Trump impatient with Russia
👉 Guruji: “He changes friends faster than WhatsApp DP! 📸😂”
🌟 Guruji’s Final Punch:
“News is like samosa—always hot, sometimes spicy, but perfect with chutney of comedy! 📰🥟🤣”
😎🙏 Guruji Presents – Trump on India;
🗣️ Trumpji: “India gives hope to all of humanity… It will soon be home to the biggest middle class in the world!”
😂 Guruji: Wah wah! Biggest middle class means – “Even the vegetable seller uses QR code, and Trumpji is still counting cash!” 🥒📲💸
🗣️ Trumpji: “India’s growth is more important because you did it democratically, peacefully and tolerantly.”
🤣 Guruji: Democracy Indian style – one man votes, ten relatives advise him which button to press! 🗳️👨👩👧👦
🗣️ Trumpji: “India and the US share a natural, beautiful and enduring friendship.”
😂 Guruji: Yes yes, natural friendship… like tea and samosa ☕🥟—always together, sometimes extra spicy! 🌶️
🗣️ Trumpji (on trade): “India, very tough… My friend Modi, but not treating us right. They charge us 52%!”
🤣 Guruji: Oh wow! 52% tariff? That’s not trade… that’s “marriage dowry negotiation”! 💍📦😂
🗣️ Trumpji (Business Roundtable): “PM Modi is a fantastic man doing a fantastic job… We’re working better than ever before.”
😂 Guruji: Fantastic duo – Modi does Yoga, Trump does Twitter Yoga 🧘♂️📱😂
🗣️ Trumpji (on diversity): “India is blessed with Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews… all strong as one nation.”
🤣 Guruji: Yes yes, unity in diversity… but during cricket match everyone forgets unity, only shouting “How’s That!” 🏏🎉
🗣️ Trumpji: “India and the US are committed to fight terrorism.”
😂 Guruji: Wah, partnership goals! India gives tea, US gives missiles ☕💣… combo offer deal!
🗣️ Trumpji (on religion): “India has worked hard for religious freedom.”
🤣 Guruji: True true, freedom to pray, but also freedom for neighbour to play loudspeaker prayers at 5 AM! 🎶🔊😴
🗣️ Trumpji (on CAA): “I don’t want to say anything, it’s up to India.”
😂 Guruji: Smart move, Trumpji! In Indian politics—better to say “no comments” than “no onions”! 🧅🙊
🗣️ Trumpji (on tariffs again): “India has highest tariffs. US must be treated fairly.”
🤣 Guruji: India treats US like relatives at festivals—feed them sweets first, bill comes later! 🎁🍬💰
🗣️ Trumpji (interview): “I think India has never had a better friend than me.”
😆 Guruji: Correct ji! Friend who praises biryani 🍛 but secretly checks butter chicken bill 🧾🍗😂
🗣️ Trumpji: “I’m a big fan of Hindu, big fan of India.”
🤣 Guruji: Trumpji’s next avatar – “Donald Baba in saffron robes saying ‘Make America Om Again!’” 🧘🕉️🇺🇸
Choose happiness today and every day
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
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Yours,
📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi – KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢
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