🤣 Guruji’s Comedy News Bulletin – Diwali Dhamaka with Defence, Drama & Dosas! 🤣
💰 India clocks ₹5.40 lakh crore in Diwali sales – Highest ever!
👉 Guruji says: “Even Goddess Lakshmi took a day off to rest her wallet! 🪙 Shoppers bought everything except peace of mind 😂”
🎓 Indian students to U.S. down by 63%!
👉 “Looks like even the students realised — why fly miles for dollar dreams. Harvard can wait, but samosa can’t! 😜”
💪 Never give up if you’re fighting for what you believe in!
👉 “Guruji fought for his last jalebi — and won! 🥳 Remember, faith is the hope of the soul📶😇”
📊 RBI confirms: India’s economy is resilient and poised for high growth!
👉 “Our GDP is like Indian aunties during Diwali — always expanding! 🎆😂💃💹”
🚨 Woman cops with drones patrol markets!
👉 “Now even thieves are saying ‘Aunty, please don’t record my bad career choice!’ 😂 Drones buzzing, aunties bargaining — Diwali market or action movie? 🎥🛍️”
👰 Chirag says: Nitish Kumar is NDA’s dulha!
👉 “Guruji says: Political shaadis are like Indian soaps — same characters, new partners every season! 💍📺 Drama unlimited!”
🕉️Japan elects Takaichi — promises bold, unapologetic leadership!
👉 “Even Japan now saying, ‘No more sorry, only Samurai!’ ⚔️😂 Guruji suggests world leaders attend anger management — free course, snacks extra! 🍵”
🌳 Climb mountains for peace, says nature!
👉 “Guruji climbed one once… came down for tea! ☕ Nature gives peace, Wi-Fi doesn’t! 😂 Go offline to feel divine!”
🤝 INDIA Bloc allies locked in ‘friendly fights’!
👉 “Guruji laughs: Politics in India is like Bigg Boss — shouting, hugging, and pretending to be friends after lunch! 🍛📢”
🧘 Every human fights inner and outer wars daily!
👉 “Guruji’s advice: Stop fighting traffic, start fighting your own ego! 🚗💥🧠 Only self-mastery leads to peace — and a peaceful wife! 😂💞”
🔥 Guruji’s Final Blessing:
“Stay calm like a candle, shine bright like Diwali lights, and laugh like Guruji after three laddus! 🎇😂🪔”
🌹 “How to Live as a Funny Couple and Keep Love Alive!” 🌹
🧘♂️ Guruji Speaks with Love and Laughter:😂
💑 1. Laugh at Each Other, Not at Each Other’s Parents!
When she burns the toast — don’t shout, say, “Wow, my love invented charcoal breakfast!”
When he forgets your birthday — say, “No problem, darling, I also forgot your IQ!” 😜
Laughter melts anger faster than ghee on hot chapati! 🫓🔥
🎭 2. Tease, Don’t Torture
A little teasing is love’s foreplay!
But careful — playful jokes are okay, past mistakes are not!
Example:
✅ “You snore like a tractor, my cutie!”
❌ “You snore like your mother!” 🚫
🕺 3. Dance Like No One’s Watching (Even If Your Neighbours Are Recording!)
Every now and then, play old romantic songs and dance madly.
She’ll giggle, you’ll sweat, but love will sparkle again! 💃🕺
☕ 4. Morning Tea = Couple Therapy
Before you sip your tea, look at each other and smile (not at the phone 📱).
Guruji guarantee: even one shared smile daily keeps the divorce lawyer away! 😇
💋 5. Turn Fights into Flirts
When arguments start heating up, say something like —
“Darling, let’s pause this war… your lips are distracting me!” 😘
Boom! The fight was converted into romance. Guruji’s instant peace formula! ✌️💞
🛌 6. End Every Night with a Joke or a Hug (or Both!)
Before sleeping, share one laugh and one hug.
If you can’t find a joke, just look at your couple of selfies from 10 years ago — comedy guaranteed! 🤣
🔮 Guruji’s Final Blessing:
Marriage is not about being serious all the time.
It’s about being seriously funny with each other — even when the Wi-Fi dies or the curry burns!
Keep laughing, keep loving, and remember —
❤️ “A day without laughter is like a marriage without rasam — totally bland!” 🍲😂
Choose Happiness Today And Every Day
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
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Yours,
📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi – KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢
😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
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