📣 Dear friends, 🤹♂️ 📢) 👓
🌞😂 Guruji Comedy News Bulletin – Special Edition 🎤📜
👉 Very close to Modi, but put sanctions on India: Trump
Guruji: “Trumpji says ‘Brother-Brother’ with Modi 🤝… but at the same time putting sanctions! 🤦♂️ That’s like saying “I love you darling, but please pay your own dinner bill!” 🍽️😂”
👉 India to Assess Implications of Pakistan-Saudi Arabia Pact
Guruji: “What is the meaning of this pact? 🤔 Pakistan signs deal, India signs headache! 😅 Saudi Arabia supplying oil ⛽… Pakistan supplying excuses! 🙈”
👉 Sebi Clean Chit to Adani on Hindenburg Allegations
Guruji: “Sebi said – ‘No problem, Adani is clean!’ 👔✨ But people are saying – ‘Sir, please also tell us the detergent brand name!’ 🧼😂”
👉 Opposition in Bihar Trying to Encourage Infiltration, Alleges Home Minister
Guruji: “In Bihar, infiltration is happening… 🚶♂️🚶♀️ Opposition is encouraging like it’s a cricket coaching camp! 🏏 ‘Come, brother, the pitch is ready!’”
👉 People Won’t Always Remain Silent Unless Faith Restored: Pawar
Guruji: “Pawar ji warning: ‘People will not remain silent!’ 🤐 But the public is saying – ‘Sir, we were not silent, just waiting for free WiFi!’ 📶😂”
👉 NDA Coins New Slogan for Bihar Campaign
Guruji: “Every election = new slogan factory 🏭… Guruji suggests: ‘Vote for us, we will give you a new slogan every morning like a good morning SMS!’ 📲😂”
👉 Rahul Wants to Create Nepal-like Situation in India, Alleges BJP
Guruji: “Rahul baba wants Nepal-like India? 😳 Oh brother, climbing mountains and eating momos is fine 🥟⛰️… but please don’t copy political earthquakes also! 😅”
👉 Congress Doing ‘Negative Politics’ Over Great Nicobar Project: Green Minister
Guruji: “Negative politics? 😏 That’s like saying ‘Battery drained’ 🔋… Only difference, battery charges in 2 hours, but opposition in 2 elections! 😂”
👉 Russians to Get Cashless Payment Option in India
Guruji: “Russians coming with cardless, cashless system 💳❌… but Indian aunty still says: ‘Son, Paytm will work? But I will give money tomorrow!’ 😂”
👉 Bihar to Give ₹1,000/Month to Unemployed: Nitish Kumar
Guruji: “Nitish ji promising ₹1000/month to unemployed 💸… Wow wow! Unemployed are clapping 👏 but inflation is laughing from the corner: ‘What will you get with 1000, 2 kilos of onion?’ 🧅😂”
👉 In UK, Trump Talks of ‘Close Ties’ With Modi
Guruji: “Trump in UK: ‘Modi is my friend!’ 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Wow wow… But friendship with Trump is like WiFi signal 📶—strong when he is in front of you, gone when you need it most! 😂”
🌟 Guruji’s Punchline Summary:
“Politics is like marriage 😅—full of slogans, promises, and complaints… Only difference, in politics you can change partners every 5 years! 💔➡️❤️😂”
😂🎤 Guruji’s Masterclass on “Why You Must Become Attractive and Influencer” ✨
(Background music 🎶, Guruji enters the stage with swag 😎, holding a smartphone 📱 like it’s a mic)
👉 Step 1: Attraction is not about Face Cream, it’s about Mind Cream!
“Arrey doston, don’t think becoming attractive means using 3-in-1 fairness cream 😅… Real attraction is when people can’t scroll past you! 📲✨ Even your WhatsApp DP should make them stop, think, and say… ‘Wah re Guruji!’ 😂”
👉 Step 2: Influencer = Digital Godman with Ring Light
“Earlier gurus had ashrams 🏞️… Today’s influencer has Instagram! 📸 Before, disciples touched Guru’s feet 👣… Now followers press ‘Follow’ button 👍! Same spirituality, just different WiFi connection! 📶😂”
👉 Step 3: Why you must become Attractive
“If you are not attractive, people ignore you faster than YouTube ‘Skip Ad’ button! ⏭️😂 Attractive doesn’t mean six-pack… Even Idli-sambar 🍛 can look attractive if served in a golden plate! Presentation matters, my dear students!”
👉 Step 4: Why you must become Influencer
“Influencer means – you speak, and people listen 👂… You post, and people share 🔄… You sneeze, and people say ‘Bless you, Guruji!’ even from America 🌎😂”
👉 Step 5: Benefits of Being Influencer
Brands give you free shampoo bottles 🧴… Even if you are bald! 😂
Restaurants invite you to eat free food 🍕… and you still complain about salt! 🧂
Most importantly, you can say anything with confidence… and people will clap 👏 like you discovered gravity again! 🍎😂
🌟 Guruji’s Final Punchline:
“Becoming attractive + influencer = like adding masala to Maggi 🍜… Simple noodle suddenly becomes superstar dinner! 🌟 If you don’t become influencer, life will treat you like ‘forwarded many times’ WhatsApp message – nobody opens! 📲😂”
Choose happiness today and every day
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
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Yours,
📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi – KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
