🎆 Guruji’s Diwali Wishes 2025 🎇
🤣 wishing you and your family a joyous Diwali 🎇
😎💥 May this Diwali brighten your life with happiness, health, and wealth. 💡😂”
✨ “May your Diwali sparkle so much that even your neighbour’s jealous LED lights need sunglasses! 😎💥”
🤣 Guruji’s Global Comedy Bulletin! 🌍🧘♂️✨
(Powered by peace, wisdom, and a pinch of madness!)
🪷 Meditation Mood of the Day:
“I am a pure soul, stable in every situation… 😌📺
💛 Gold Brightest on Dhanteras Eve:
Guruji says, “Every husband buying gold today thinks it’s an investment… till wife says, ‘Show me my investment!’ 💍🤣”
Gold price may shine, but husband’s wallet definitely doesn’t! 😅
💣 India’s Defence Boom:
From importing bullets to building BrahMos missiles — India says, “We don’t buy missiles anymore, we make them ourselves!” 🇮🇳💪
Guruji adds: “Our defence is so strong now, even mosquitoes think twice before entering the house!” 🦟🚫
🚆 Global Railway Giants Eye India:
International companies are rushing to build trains here.
Guruji predicts: “Soon, our trains will be so fast, chai vendors will serve tea through drones!” ☕🚄🤣
🛣️ Road Developers Want More Freedom:
They’re asking NHAI for better BOT agreements.
Guruji’s version of BOT: Build, Operate, and Tolerate! 😅
Because in India, if you survive one traffic jam, you earn moksha immediately! 🚗🙏
📱 Cybercrime Alert:
Supreme Court wants a plan to stop the cyber mafia.
Guruji says: “First, please stop those emails saying I’ve won ₹10 crore in a lottery I never joined!” 💸😂
📈 Diwali Rally – Sensex Up 2,000 Points:
Foreign investors are buying like kids in a Diwali sweet shop! 🍬
Guruji advises: “Invest in stocks, not in stress. Remember — the only thing guaranteed to rise every year is the price of onions!” 🧅📊🤣
💰 India’s Gold Reserves Cross $100 Billion!
Guruji laughs: “We have gold in banks, gold in temples, gold in cupboards… now only waiting for gold in politicians’ hearts!” 💖🏦
🧘♀️ Meditation Bonus Line:
“I am a powerful soul… I radiate peace, love and happiness — unless someone cuts me in traffic!” 😇🚘💢
💋 Porn-Again Wisdom:
Guruji chuckles, “Modern wisdom comes from Google, YouTube, and sometimes… places better not mentioned!” 🙈
Life’s lesson: Don’t search for peace in incognito mode! 😂
🌎 Guruji’s Closing Blessing:
Remember, my children —
Life is a comedy of cosmic timing.
So meditate, laugh, and keep your heart richer than your bank balance! 💫❤️
How to Celebrate Diwali?
🎆 Guruji Presents: How to Celebrate Diwali Without Burning Your Wallet 😂🪔
My dear disciples of Dhoom Dhamaka! 😎
Diwali is that magical time when the whole country turns into one big LED bulb factory — and every aunty becomes a lighting consultant! Let Guruji show you how to celebrate Diwali in full comedy spirit 💥
🌟 Step 1: Clean Like You’re Hosting the Prime Minister!
Guruji says — during Diwali, people clean their house so deeply that even the ghosts pack up and leave. 👻🧹
If you don’t find at least one long-lost sock or your ex’s old photo — you didn’t clean enough! 😜
🪔 Step 2: Decorate Till Your Neighbour Feels Inferior
Put diyas everywhere — on the floor, balcony, even your dog if he stays still! 🐶✨
When your house glows so much that pilots mistake it for the airport runway — you’ve achieved Diwali Nirvana! 🛬
💣 Step 3: Crackers or No Crackers?
Guruji’s rule: “Make noise with your laughter, not your bombs!” 🤣
Save the planet 🌍, not just your eardrums!
But if you must burst something, try your tension or laziness first! 💥🧘
🍛 Step 4: Eat Like There’s No Tomorrow
Diwali calories don’t count — they’re blessed by Lakshmi Devi herself! 😋🍬
So go ahead — Gulab Jamun in one hand, Samosa in the other, and guilt nowhere to be found! 🙏
🎁 Step 5: Gift With Style
Stop giving boring boxes of dry fruits, Guruji insists! 😏
Give gifts that scream, “I thought of you for 3 seconds more than usual!”
Even better — gift laughter, compliments, or at least a good Wi-Fi password! 💝📶
💃 Step 6: Celebrate with Heart
Remember, my dear party animals — Diwali is about light, love, and laughter 💖🪔
So spread smiles brighter than your fairy lights — and if someone looks dull, just plug them into your positivity socket! ⚡😁
🌈 Guruji’s Final Blessing:
“May your Diwali be so bright that even your problems wear sunglasses!” 😎🕶️
Stay lit, stay happy, and don’t let anyone dim your diya! 🔥
Choose Happiness Today And Every Day
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
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Yours,
📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi – KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢
😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
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