😎 🧙♂️😂GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN & India’s Super News Show!” 😎 Funny Headlines ! 🎭 English Masala Edition 🌶️
📣 Dear friends, 🤹♂️ 📢)
I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour! 😄
👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.
🔥… news will always bring the masala! 🌶️📺
“Choose happiness today and every day“
🇺🇸 1. Elon Musk could face ‘serious consequences’ if he backs Democrats
“Guruji laughs: Musk backing Dems? Trump says you’ll lose your Mars pass—no space joyride! 🚀🔒”
2. Musk taps a third party, America Party, then backs down in battle with Trump
“Guruji smirks: Musk tried the ‘America Party’—then ghosted it faster than a Tesla on Ludicrous Mode! ⚡👻
🇨🇦 3. Other G7 members keen on seeing Modi’s participation, hints Carney
“Guruji quips: Modi at G7? Like sending your superstar to a tech fest—world ready for desi power! 🌏🇮🇳
💸 4. Repo rate cut brings early Diwali cheer for consumers
“Guruji smiles: RBI’s rate drop is Diwali in June—wallets dancing garba already! 💰🪔”
🛕 5. Maha Kumbh sparked ₹500 cr tax surge in UP
“Guruji laughs: Pilgrims bathed in Ganga, UP banks bathed in tax money! Bath + cash combo! 💦💰”
⚖️ 6. Can’t club terror-backers with victims: EAM to UK’s Lammy
“Guruji jokes: Mixing them? That’s like putting chutney in your coffee—ultimate taste disaster! ☕❌”
🏦 7. RBI opens happy hour window, borrowers can pack a picnic basket
“Guruji teases: RBI’s happy hour means borrowers go full picnic—not sipping whiskey! 🧺📉”
✅ 8. Extreme poverty rate falls to 5.3% from 27.1%
“Guruji cheers: Poverty’s dropped like my winter weight! Bye-bye belly, hello cheer! 🎉📉”
🌊 9. Our dangerous blindness to the ocean
“Guruji warns: Ignoring oceans is like ignoring monsoon rains—catastrophe ahead! 🌧️⚠️”
🔥 10. Indian Ocean warming fastest, turning against us
“Guruji quips: Indian Ocean’s heating faster than my pressure cooker—someone turn the knob down! 🧯🌡️”
💼 11. Foreign investors under-invested in India by a trillion dollars
“Guruji jests: They skipped investing? Probably missed India’s IPO because they snoozed the alarm! 🛎️💤”
🎓 12. Mukesh Ambani gifts ₹151 cr to ICT as ‘Guru Dakshina’
“Guruji says: Ambani’s guru dakshina—big zeroes, big love! That’s mentorship up-leveled! 💸👨🏫”
🩺 13. Fake cardiologist performs 50 surgeries at Faridabad hospital
“Guruji laughs: Fifty fake heart ops? Sounds like a magic show — “Now you see a heart, now you don’t!” 🫀🎩”
🥗 14. Embrace a nutrient-rich diet for youthful health
“Guruji advises: Eat veggies like the rainbow—they’re nature’s glow-up filter! 🌈🥦”
🧘 15. Practise mindful eating for long-term wellness
“Guruji muses: Mindful eating? So when your plate’s empty, you actually celebrate the silence! 🍽️😌”
🎊 16. MONUMENTAL SHIFT: 269 million lifted out of poverty; rural poverty drops
“Guruji exclaims: 269 million people lifted! That’s bigger than my jumbo samosa stash! 🥳🥟”
🚫 17. India’s zero-tolerance policy against terrorism
“Guruji asserts: Zero-tolerance—like locking fridge at night so midnight samosa-stealer is caught red-handed! 🥟🔐”
🚆 18. Vande Bharat Express maiden trial run on Chenab Bridge
“Guruji praises: Vande Bharat soaring over Chenab—railways doing daredevil with elegance! 🚄🌉”
📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉
~ Yours,
Guruji 🧙♂️😇📢
🧘♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘♂️
Stay connected with amazinglifeblog.com—where news meets positivity! 🚀✨
Thanks for reading, 🚀 ! 🌟
KaMaRaJ 🌈🤗❤️
vasantham.kamaraj@gmail.com
Please visit my website: amazinglifeblog.com
aitamilnadu.blogspot.com
& erkamaraj.blogspot.com for Mind blowing articles.💡
