GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN,

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour! 😄

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

“Choose happiness today and every day”

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

😄📰 Guruji’s Comedy Bulletin – 5th July 2025 Edition
🎩 Your favourite laugh guru Guruji is back with spice, sarcasm, and samosas! 🥳

♟️ “World champion D Gukesh bags Rapid title at 2025 Grand Chess Tour Zagreb”
👉 Gukesh dropped lightning on the chessboard! ⚡♟️
His opponents now scream — “Checkmate happened, bro!” 😂👑

🚗 “India proposes tit-for-tat retaliatory strike against $725 million US auto tariffs at WTO”
👉 America said, “Stop your exports!”
India replied, “Alright buddy, now dodge our jugaad-style Maruti cars!” 🛻🇮🇳😂

✈️ “Delhi-bound Air India flight delayed as pilot collapses before take-off”
👉 The pilot said — “I’m not flying, I’m frying!” 🔥😅
Guruji’s advice: Never skip breakfast, especially if you’re flying a plane! 🍳✈️

🌎 “PM Modi in Trinidad and Tobago: A homecoming as Global South rises”
👉 PM declared: “The new boss of the Global South has arrived!” 😎🌍
Though he visited Trinidad, his heart was watching chess in Chennai! 😂🇮🇳

🕵️‍♂️ “NHRC flags police lapses in Bhopal love trap racket”
👉 Police: “It’s a love case? Who will investigate?”
NHRC: “Please move aside, we’ll call CID!” 😑💘🔍

💰 “India’s forex reserves rise to USD 705 billion”
👉 Guruji’s tip: Reserves are great… but what about our EMIs? 😩💸
India: “We’ve got dollars… but when will Sensex find a soulmate?” 📈😂

🇮🇳 “‘India never negotiates trade deals on deadlines’: Piyush Goyal”
👉 Goyal ji: “Your deadlines are yours. We go by ‘Auspicious Timings’!” 📆😎
USA: “Time is money.”
India: “Culture is king!” 👑🌍😂

📊 “India to remain among fastest growing economies”
👉 World: “How’s the growth going?”
India: “Some GDP, some hacks, and lots of chai – that’s how!” ☕📈😄

🇨🇳 “EAM to visit China – first trip since standoff”
👉 Guruji: “Is this Mission Peace or just Mission Spicy Noodles?” 🍜🕊️
We’ll know soon whether the border gives us sweets or more stand-offs! 😂🏔️

🏚️ “Manipur to close all relief camps, resettle inmates”
👉 Government: “Camps are closing, time to return home!”
People: “Just make sure there’s Wi-Fi at home, and we’re good!” 🏠📶😄

👩‍✈️ “After IAF, Navy gets first woman fighter pilot”
👉 Guruji: “Now that’s what I call fast and fearless!” ✈️🌊
Enemies: “Oh no! Even the seas aren’t safe now!” 😂💪🇮🇳

🛐 “Govt committed to protecting freedom of religion: MEA”
👉 Guruji: “Pray as you wish — but please don’t spread fake forwards!” 🙏📱
India says: “Temple or tweet – both need peace!” 😂🕊️

🧡 “Sindoor shows forces, netas committed to Swaraj: Shah”
👉 Guruji: “Sindoor stands for Swaraj? Now even lipstick might get political meaning!” 💄🇮🇳
Leaders: “It’s fashion and patriotism now!” 😂🎖️

🌐 “FM calls for Global South unity to tackle uncertainties”
👉 Guruji: “Time to make a Global South WhatsApp group!” 📱🌍
Everyone’s asking: “Who’s the admin? Modi ji or Mr. Brazil?” 😂🌎

🔫 “‘One border, three adversaries; China tested weapons’ – Army Deputy Chief”
👉 Guruji: “China’s weapons and Bollywood trailers – both love to be tested at the border!” 💣🎬
India: “Testing is done. Now it’s time for the grand release!” 💪🇮🇳🔥

🧘‍♂️ Remember – don’t take stress… Guruji’s Bulletin is here to bless! ✨😎

Come back tomorrow for more news served with samosa and sass! 📰🤣

📢 “Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!” 💥🎉