GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN with GURUJI’S COMEDY VIBES

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓 🤣📰 GURUJI COMEDY BULLETIN💥

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!

🧘‍♂️ Modi ji roared: “Buy Swadeshi, support our desi farmers, youth & industries!”
🎤 Guruji says: “From now on, even my WhatsApp forwards will be Made in India! 😜📲”

🗣️ PM Modi: “Be Vocal for Local!”
🤣 Guruji: “That’s why I shouted at my neighbor for buying imported pickles! 🍯📢”

🌾 “Top priority: Farmers, small industries, and youth!”
🚜 Guruji: “Even my tailor is feeling VIP now! Stitching dhotis with pride and GST! 😎🧵”

💹 Piyush Goyal: “India is the bright spot in global economy!”
🔥 Guruji: “Yes, brighter than my bald head in Chennai sun! ☀️😂”

📜 ECI: “No party objected to Bihar draft rolls!”
🕵️‍♂️ Guruji: “Because everyone’s busy editing their caste, address, and age! 🤐🗳️”

🤬 Rahul: “Jaitley threatened me!”
🤣 Guruji: “Bro, even my wife threatens me to eat karela… grow up! 🥴🍆”

💣 PM Modi hits back at Trump: “Dead economy? Support Swadeshi!”
🎭 Guruji: “Trump says ‘dead’, Modi says ‘desi’ – meanwhile I say ‘dosa’! 🥳🍽️”

🎯 Rahul: “Election system is dead!”
⚰️ Guruji: “Then why you contesting every year like it’s IPL auction? 🏏🗳️”

💸 RBI may cut rates before Diwali!
🔥 Guruji: “Perfect! Now I’ll take 3 loans to buy 1 LED diya! 💡🎆”

🤷‍♂️ Tejashwi’s name missing from electoral draft!
📣 Guruji: “Even Swiggy finds my address, but EC can’t! 😤📍”

🏆 Divya Deshmukh gets ₹3 crore from Maharashtra CM!
♟️ Guruji: “I taught my granddaughter chess – now waiting for jackpot! 💰👧♟️”

🚓 Anil Ambani loan scam: First arrest made!
🤣 Guruji: “Finally ED remembered the ‘E’ stands for ‘Enforcement’ not ‘Entertainment’! 🎬🔗”

👊 DMK opposes 6.5L Bihar voters in TN!
🎤 Guruji: “Even Tamil Nadu filter coffee is shouting, ‘Who are these people?!’ ☕🧾”

💖 Organ donor families honoured!
🙏 Guruji: “Real heroes don’t wear capes – they donate kidneys! ❤️🦸‍♂️”

😢 Pragya Thakur: “Sleuths tortured me to name Modi!”
🧠 Guruji: “Looks like Netflix should cast her in ‘Sacred Politics – Season 3’ 🎭📺”

🤣 Stay tuned, dear rasikas, for more Guruji Gyan with Giggles! 🎤🌍
💥 Until next time: “Buy desi, think crazy – that’s the Guruji guarantee!” 😎🇮🇳

Guruji’s Weekly Gems of Wisdom! 😂

Sunday Morning Meditation… A Comedy Version!

Ah, Sunday! It brings a special kind of joy! The party from last night, waking up late in the morning, and then that “Oh no, I have to go to the office tomorrow” feeling… This is our true meditation! 🧘‍♂️🧘‍♀️

Guruji’s Tips:

Bedroom Meditation: When you wake up in the morning, do you immediately grab your phone and scroll through social media? That’s a type of meditation too! There’s a connection between what your fingers are doing and the thoughts running through your mind! 📱💭

TV Meditation: Watching a TV serial quietly playing in a corner of your house, with half-closed eyes… You can include this in your meditation too. Thinking, “Hmm, what’s the reason for their fight?” is even a mental exercise! 📺🤔

Eating Meditation: Can a Sunday be complete without some spicy curry? Eating a hearty meal and then letting out a big sigh, “Ah, my stomach is full!”… That’s true wisdom! It’s the meditation you do for your digestive power! 🍗🍚😴

Nap Meditation: Do you take a short nap after your afternoon meal? That’s ‘Short Nap Meditation’! It’s a super way for both your mind and body to find peace! But make sure your ‘short nap’ doesn’t turn into a ‘sleepy haze’! 😴💤

Guruji’s Words of Wisdom:

“Life will always have its share of fights and squabbles. But on Sunday, just relax! Why drive yourself crazy thinking about Monday’s headache right now? Just smile, chill! Life’s only once!” 😄🎉

Happy Sunday! See you next week with more gems of wisdom! 😉

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