GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN with GURUJI’S COMEDY VIBES

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓 🤣📰 GURUJI COMEDY BULLETIN💥

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!

📢 Guruji’s Global Gossip Bulletin – Powered by Filter Coffee & Full Drama! 🤪☕

🛢️ “Unreasonable!” India tells Trump on Russian Oil
👉 Guruji’s Take:
“Trump ji, you focus on your tan, we’ll focus on our tank!” 😎🇮🇳⛽
⚖️ SC pulls up Rahul: ‘Chinese thrashing soldiers’ remark
👉 Guruji’s Wisdom:
“Rahul ji, if China is thrashing, stop giving commentary and start giving chutney!” 🥢👊😂
🎓 Less than 15% Youth Placed under Govt Skill Scheme
👉 Guruji’s Career Advice:
“Skills taught: How to sign attendance. Jobs given: ‘Come tomorrow beta!’” 📋🤣
💼 Trump’s Threat Shakes Indian Exporters
👉 Guruji’s Prediction:
“Exporters shaking like my WiFi during IPL finals!” 📉📦📺
🌱 Soul Gardening Busts Stress
👉 Guruji’s Herbal Tip:
“When in doubt, plant a tulsi and scream at your weeds!” 🪴😤🙏
🇮🇳 India Says US Targets Are Unjustified
👉 Guruji’s Comeback:
“Uncle Sam, don’t poke the curry dragon 🐉🌶️ – it bites and also gives gas!” 😡🇮🇳💨
💰 ED Summons Reliance Brass in Loan Fraud Probe
👉 Guruji’s Financial Tip:
“Big loans vanish faster than samosas at a wedding buffet!” 🥟💸🤷‍♂️
🏛️ BJP Starts VP Poll Prep, Eyes Broad Support
👉 Guruji’s Analysis:
“They want ‘broad support’… even aunties from kitty parties included!” 🐱👵🗳️
🏅 Kerala Minister: ‘Centre Penalising Our Achievements’
👉 Guruji’s Southern Spice:
“Achievement: Making world-class beef fry. Punishment: No biryani for you!” 🍖🍛🤣
🧠 SC to Rahul: ‘True Indian Wouldn’t Say So’
👉 Guruji’s Reminder:
“True Indian says Jai Hind… and complains only during tea breaks!” 🇮🇳☕😜
🎤 Final Punch by Guruji
“Politics is like Golgappa – spicy, confusing, and someone always ends up crying!” 🥴🌶️😂

😂 Guruji’s TRUTH BOMBS 💣

😢 “Nobody cares how hard your life is.”
👉 Even your milkman only wants to know if last month’s bill is paid! 🥛💸

😎 “People only respect results.”
👉 Crying is allowed, but success gets you the likes, not your emotional Instagram stories! 📱🏆

🐒 “You can cry, scream, or break down…”
👉 Do it in the bathroom like a true middle-class legend. Even your soap has cried with you! 🧼😭

🚀 “But the world keeps moving.”
👉 Even the auto driver may be late, but the world? It doesn’t stop, brother! 🛺🌏

💪 “So get up. Show up. Keep going!”
👉 Whether it’s gym, job, or your almost-ended relationship — Iron your shirt and smile! 👔😁

🥁 Guruji’s 3-Step Action Plan: “From Goat to G.O.A.T!” 🐐➡️👑

🔥 1. Learn Routine, Not Just Roti (Food)!

📅 Morning = Wake up before the sun even stretches.
🚿 Shower like a warrior, not like a lazy reptile.
🧘‍♂️ 10 minutes of deep breathing — not social media scrolling.

💻 2. Work Like Your Wi-Fi Bill Depends On It

🧠 Set 3 goals daily — and none should be binge-watching dramas.
📌 Finish what you start. Except WhatsApp arguments — those never end and never help. 📲🕳️

🚶‍♂️ 3. Walk With Pride, Even If Your Wallet is Light

🗣️ Speak confidently. Even if you’re jobless, say:
“I’m on a career detox, currently exploring strategic opportunities.”
(Translation: I’m free — call me if lunch is free too!) 🍽️😂

🧙‍♂️ Guruji’s Final Wisdom Drop:

“Life won’t pity you, but success will kiss you. So stop sulking and start slaying — like a low-budget superhero with high-level confidence!” 🕶️🔥

📢 Repeat after Guruji:
“I will cry privately, hustle publicly, and laugh loudly — especially at my ex’s weird new haircut!” 😂✌️

👉 Follow daily at AmazingLifeBlog.com 😎✨

📢 “Stay Desi. Stay Daring. Stay Dil Se!” – Guruji signing off with a hot filter kaapi! ☕🇮🇳

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺